Quote:
Originally Posted by Betty_Banana
I was afraid of integration when I was in therapy,mostly because I wasn't really sure what it was,what it meant and how it worked.I thought it meant getting rid of insiders or killing them off and I felt like it would somehow change me into someone or something I didn't want to be.I was afraid I would lose who I was,afraid I would forget where I came from,what my life was,etc.
It didn't matter how much my therapist talked to me about it or tried to explain what it was,since I couldn't imagine what it would be like,couldn't imagine how I could be any different or my life could ever be different since I never knew anything different I just couldn't fathom what it would be like or what it even was.And I was afraid .
Are you afraid of it?What are your fears about it?
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I integrated 7 years ago. The hardest part was getting used to the silence. The best part was having continuous memory for the first time in my life. I own myself, finally. I still have trauma to resolve but my integrated self is solid. I can bear the memories without fragmenting. 25 years ago I went into treatment so fragmented I lost whole weeks. It was a step by step process to get parts to talk, coordinate with each other, problem solve as a collective unit, then collectively agree to integrate. It was a natural process.