I got a call today that my father who I've not seen or talked to in 20 years was found on his apartment floor and had apparently been there for days. They said something about a seizure but I don't know if this was after or the proposed cause. It sounds like he had a stroke that led to a seizure? Unclear. Regardless he is on a ventilator with a tracheotomy and is unresponsive except to pain. They expect him to live about another week.

My brother and I are going to see him but I don't know when yet. My brother has to take off from work.

It's been so strange; I've been thinking I've seen him from time to time for several months and have been talking to my therapist about how I really needed to just accept that I would never know what happened to him and that in many ways he was already effectively dead as I'd never know. I guess I was wrong.

It's so confusing. I spent the afternoon telling official people that after 20 years I don't want to be responsible for anything, I want to know when he dies and that's about it.

This is so weird. I didn't expect this to be the year I lost a parent, even one I lost 20 years ago.