[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm better today. I got out and shoveled snow which felt good. Now to just not get another storm this weekend....

My friend got in touch with me. He's had computer problems. I still don't feel very secure but that happens sometimes and we'll work it out. Probably.

I did drop my iphone in the toilet (eww) but I rescued it fast and it seems fine. I ruined a standard cheap phone that way before smart phones so I was really worried but I think it is ok. I definitely need too disinfect though. yuck.

I slept well so I think my fears of hypo starting based mostly on a bad night were just fears.

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

It feels like I'm headed into depression. The symptoms point to it. Most significantly, I feel absolutely worthless. In fact, I wouldn't be here sharing except that Jennifer reached out to me. (Thank you)


I'm two and a half weeks away from my next ECT and can't reschedule it for sooner. Once there, I think I'm going to ask my ECT doc to shorten my interval.

Glad to see you back and posting.

[wildflowerchild25]

Well it happened. I told RS I love him. I’ve wanted to say it for a couple of weeks now but thought I was crazy because it’s only been two months. But I figured what the hell, yolo right? Me and my husband said it after two months and I ended up marrying him. When you know you just know. And boy do I know. I really took an inventory of myself to make sure because I always wanted to say it to my ex as well but I would go back and forth with it. I would think I loved him one day and then wouldn’t talk to him for a couple of days and then I’d be like nah I don’t love him. This time though...it feels real.

Best part? He said it back. And I can tell he means it. He’s not just saying it because I said it and he doesn’t know how to respond without hurting my feelings. He told me that HE’s Been wanting to say it for a couple of weeks too but was afraid it would scare me off.i trust him. I can see it in his eyes.

So yes. I am in love with a wonderful man who loves me back. And I don’t care that it’s only been two months. This is real. And maybe it will blow up in my face a few months from now but for now, it’s real. And that’s all that matters.

Nothing new to report otherwise! Hugs to all that need them.

[Daonnachd]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling crappy Daonnachd, but very glad you reached out -- and so glad to see you again! You're DEFINITELY not worthless!!!!! (Btw, nice drawings, I checked them out. )

How much of an interval do you currently have?

Thank you for looking at my doodles.

Currently I get ECT every four weeks. It will be tough to make it more frequent than that because I live two hours from the hospital where I have it done. That makes finding an available driver difficult. Also, my wife gets a little nervous about it because once I came back from ECT and didn't know who she was.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

Right now the flavor of the month is Ambein with Doxepin.

Doxipin really helps me. Add a Xanax and Tenex and I’m “ usually” sleeping half way decent.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

It feels like I'm headed into depression. The symptoms point to it. Most significantly, I feel absolutely worthless. In fact, I wouldn't be here sharing except that Jennifer reached out to me. (Thank you)


I'm two and a half weeks away from my next ECT and can't reschedule it for sooner. Once there, I think I'm going to ask my ECT doc to shorten my interval.

Glad you are posting. ( thanks Jennifer)

Sorry your feeling so bad. You aren’t worthless, I know it’s hard to remember that , your ECT will help. Can you just hold on tight , white knuckle gripping??

Yes good idea to step up your treatments right now, is this winter hitting you ??

I wish you some peace

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone; I hope everyone had a good day; at least better than mine. I'm still suck in chart audit and med audit hell and I still have the office invader since I can't exactly leave him alone so my desk is shared and he is using my work laptop to do his own audits; just under my credentials and even though I do trust him; I don't trust him enough to not keep my eye on him.


In more serious news I'm starting to get very anxious about my visit tomorrow with the psych PA and I had Cardiac Papatations last night from about 1 to 1:30 in the morning which I mean I was still up but still with all this heart medication I am on it should be doing something; and plus the last time I saw Dr. Cardio he heard a murmur I asked doc; M and A all to see if they could hear the murmur he heard; which of course they could not. That is honestly three against one Cardio. One doc and two PA's. I am just sick of feeling like Chicken Little with my health; I keep saying I just want one week; just one where I don't have to see someone in the medical field and honestly I'm starting to wonder if maybe that Electophsyicologist was right when he said Ablation and a Pacemaker would be the best option. I've a lot of different Cardiac drugs and nothing seems to lower my heart rate; and now the palpitations have returned. I'm just totally sick of constant health issues; my mental health seems to have taken a back seat to my heart.


Hugs to everyone

You sure do need to catch a medical break

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Well it happened. I told RS I love him. I’ve wanted to say it for a couple of weeks now but thought I was crazy because it’s only been two months. But I figured what the hell, yolo right? Me and my husband said it after two months and I ended up marrying him. When you know you just know. And boy do I know. I really took an inventory of myself to make sure because I always wanted to say it to my ex as well but I would go back and forth with it. I would think I loved him one day and then wouldn’t talk to him for a couple of days and then I’d be like nah I don’t love him. This time though...it feels real.


Best part? He said it back. And I can tell he means it. He’s not just saying it because I said it and he doesn’t know how to respond without hurting my feelings. He told me that HE’s Been wanting to say it for a couple of weeks too but was afraid it would scare me off.i trust him. I can see it in his eyes.


So yes. I am in love with a wonderful man who loves me back. And I don’t care that it’s only been two months. This is real. And maybe it will blow up in my face a few months from now but for now, it’s real. And that’s all that matters.


Nothing new to report otherwise! Hugs to all that need them.

Love is a wonderful thing enjoy

[Victoria'smom]

I see T in 11 hours. I don't know what will happen.

[Wander]

Another great day. Saw pdoc yesterday. Meds all good, stable (aside from mild rapid-cycling. Wonderful! He asked me about symptoms in my childhood and decided the Bipolar must have begun somewhere in my teens. Makes a lot of sense. 42 years old now and it has been one hell of a ride. I have hope I can figure this Bipolar thing out for me to recover.

[pirilin]

I was dreaming about someone inventing a carrousell(sp) for my flashlights.

It worked like a mix between a vending machine and a jukebox.
Only without coins. With a remote instead.

So wonderful, but expensive. I woke up to negociate the price.
Brew a load of Cuban coffee, by instint, instead, and here I am.
No machine and no desire to sleep. Good riddance.

Cheers.

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Well it happened. I told RS I love him. I’ve wanted to say it for a couple of weeks now but thought I was crazy because it’s only been two months. But I figured what the hell, yolo right? Me and my husband said it after two months and I ended up marrying him. When you know you just know. And boy do I know. I really took an inventory of myself to make sure because I always wanted to say it to my ex as well but I would go back and forth with it. I would think I loved him one day and then wouldn’t talk to him for a couple of days and then I’d be like nah I don’t love him. This time though...it feels real.

Best part? He said it back. And I can tell he means it. He’s not just saying it because I said it and he doesn’t know how to respond without hurting my feelings. He told me that HE’s Been wanting to say it for a couple of weeks too but was afraid it would scare me off.i trust him. I can see it in his eyes.

So yes. I am in love with a wonderful man who loves me back. And I don’t care that it’s only been two months. This is real. And maybe it will blow up in my face a few months from now but for now, it’s real. And that’s all that matters.

Nothing new to report otherwise! Hugs to all that need them.

More dancing chilis for you!! I'm so happy for you!!

[Blue_Bird]

I've been doing well lately. I've been using coping skills effectively to deal with anxiety. I saw my doctor and therapist and they're glad I'm doing well and I'm going to keep taking the seroquel at night. It's my last week off before the spring semester begins. I'm really excited about it, I enjoyed the break but it will be nice to be busy again.

Sleep has been great. I take my meds and am asleep within an hour or two.

Woke up feeling like I'm getting sick though. Coughing, sneezing, etc. It's that time of year I guess. Luckily I hardly ever get sick physically.

Hope everyone is doing okay

[liveforsummer]

Horrendous nightmares last night. I’m still traumatized by its events even though I know it not true. The terror and fear are still with me.

[Victoria'smom]

1 hr 15 min. I'm scared. I know it's unlikely she'll suggest IP. I just have to find a way to find to tell her about this black tar like pain in my chest and I feel like I can't breath. At least I know if I did anything it would just spread the pain around and I don't wish this on anyone.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

It feels like I'm headed into depression. The symptoms point to it. Most significantly, I feel absolutely worthless. In fact, I wouldn't be here sharing except that Jennifer reached out to me. (Thank you)


I'm two and a half weeks away from my next ECT and can't reschedule it for sooner. Once there, I think I'm going to ask my ECT doc to shorten my interval.

You’re not worthless. I wondered where you were.

[Unrigged64072835]

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone; I hope everyone had a good day; at least better than mine. I'm still suck in chart audit and med audit hell and I still have the office invader since I can't exactly leave him alone so my desk is shared and he is using my work laptop to do his own audits; just under my credentials and even though I do trust him; I don't trust him enough to not keep my eye on him.

In more serious news I'm starting to get very anxious about my visit tomorrow with the psych PA and I had Cardiac Papatations last night from about 1 to 1:30 in the morning which I mean I was still up but still with all this heart medication I am on it should be doing something; and plus the last time I saw Dr. Cardio he heard a murmur I asked doc; M and A all to see if they could hear the murmur he heard; which of course they could not. That is honestly three against one Cardio. One doc and two PA's. I am just sick of feeling like Chicken Little with my health; I keep saying I just want one week; just one where I don't have to see someone in the medical field and honestly I'm starting to wonder if maybe that Electophsyicologist was right when he said Ablation and a Pacemaker would be the best option. I've a lot of different Cardiac drugs and nothing seems to lower my heart rate; and now the palpitations have returned. I'm just totally sick of constant health issues; my mental health seems to have taken a back seat to my heart.

Hugs to everyone

I have a murmur too but only the cardiologist and a couple other docs have heard it. It doesn’t seem to bother me though. Hope you get your heart situation straightened out soon.

[Unrigged64072835]

Didn’t sleep for squat. Kept dreaming about inventorying stuff. Ugh.

Roasting garlic and red bell pepper this morning. Then marinating chicken for dinner and hopefully putting a craft table together this afternoon.

Tara, WildFlowerChild25: so glad to hear you have found a wonderful man and that the feelings are reciprocal. You deserve some happiness! Enjoy!

Originally Posted by TheSeaCat

Hello everyone; I hope everyone had a good day; at least better than mine. I'm still suck in chart audit and med audit hell and I still have the office invader since I can't exactly leave him alone so my desk is shared and he is using my work laptop to do his own audits; just under my credentials and even though I do trust him; I don't trust him enough to not keep my eye on him.

In more serious news I'm starting to get very anxious about my visit tomorrow with the psych PA and I had Cardiac Papatations last night from about 1 to 1:30 in the morning which I mean I was still up but still with all this heart medication I am on it should be doing something; and plus the last time I saw Dr. Cardio he heard a murmur I asked doc; M and A all to see if they could hear the murmur he heard; which of course they could not. That is honestly three against one Cardio. One doc and two PA's. I am just sick of feeling like Chicken Little with my health; I keep saying I just want one week; just one where I don't have to see someone in the medical field and honestly I'm starting to wonder if maybe that Electophsyicologist was right when he said Ablation and a Pacemaker would be the best option. I've a lot of different Cardiac drugs and nothing seems to lower my heart rate; and now the palpitations have returned. I'm just totally sick of constant health issues; my mental health seems to have taken a back seat to my heart.

Hugs to everyone

I'm sorry that your heart medications are not working well enough. When you have the palpitations does it make you very anxious? Sometimes one can cause the other. Which first? Chicken or the egg? In any case, I hope your doctor(s) find a solution to get your heart issues under control.

I have a heart murmur. So does my sister. I guess some are different than others, and some are more serious than others. My cardiologist labeled mine as Mitral Valve Prolapse. For many people, Mitral Valve Prolapse is not a big deal at all. My cardiologist thought that may have something to do with the tachycardia I had been experiencing. It can also cause anxiety. In any case, my heart rate has been relatively fine on my beta blocker, and my GP never notices any kind of heart murmur. Like your experience, some do and some never do.

[Nammu]

I only slept for a couple hours gave up around 3 and watched an old CSI show then an indie movie then a bunch of flea market flips before trying again, not really asleep but basket weaving, literally basket weaving in my dream like state. Had basket was making for Christmas with different colors of paper and straws, almost fell asleep for real and the phone rang. I kept making mistakes and having to unravel and start again. Weird!

[Scooter9]

Two things happened today.

The first is it's the one year anniversary of our disabled relative's husband passing away suddenly. That led to the crazy year I've been experiencing and made our relative worse. But we've been managing somehow.

Second, I finished my book. It came in at 123 pages and about 23,000 words. Next step is to publish it. I plan to give it away for free for a couple of months and then start charging for it. I doubt I'll make anything off of this but it was a fun project and a way to share what I learned.

I'm a little sad that I'm done now. That pressure to work is not there now.

Oh there's one more thing, I have a cold so I stayed home from work today. I still worked but at least I didn't have to get up super early and commute there and back.

[251turnaround]

I think I might be going up yet again. I feel good really good but it's bad. Everything is connected. The sounds are connected. I can feel them.

I haven't been this up in ages. I know it only gets worse from here, and meds don't help for me. I'm pretty much done for at this point.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I got a call today that my father who I've not seen or talked to in 20 years was found on his apartment floor and had apparently been there for days. They said something about a seizure but I don't know if this was after or the proposed cause. It sounds like he had a stroke that led to a seizure? Unclear. Regardless he is on a ventilator with a tracheotomy and is unresponsive except to pain. They expect him to live about another week.

My brother and I are going to see him but I don't know when yet. My brother has to take off from work.

It's been so strange; I've been thinking I've seen him from time to time for several months and have been talking to my therapist about how I really needed to just accept that I would never know what happened to him and that in many ways he was already effectively dead as I'd never know. I guess I was wrong.

It's so confusing. I spent the afternoon telling official people that after 20 years I don't want to be responsible for anything, I want to know when he dies and that's about it.

This is so weird. I didn't expect this to be the year I lost a parent, even one I lost 20 years ago.

[Guiness187055]

So sorry to hear about your father.