Perhaps you desire connection and camaraderie with others Só leigheas (most of us do) but at the same time it seems like a lot of work to open up or trust others...particularly if you've been burned by folks in the past. For about a year now, I have taken a big step back from the friends I used to regularly spend time with. Other than my significant other (who is good and kind) I mostly spend time alone now. I honestly do not prefer life that way. I really value time with others but lately it felt healthier for me to step back and assess the effect that other people's energies were having on my life. I think when I'm ready I'll gradually start branching out again and meeting new friends.

The irony you mention is understandable to me. Fits with depression though I am sorry you feel badly. Wishing you peace and a bright future