Why do I want to be alone?

When I'm alone I'm a mess, but I always want to be alone. How does that make sense?

I guess that, as I've gotten older, I want to be alone more. For me, during the weekdays, I don't mind being alone that much. But on the weekends I feel the loneliness more. Especially lately I want to leave where I live now because it's just too close for comfort with other people. I feel like I fight with people more than I enjoy being with them. So I'd rather be alone than to have confrontations.

I think to myself that I would love to have a little house to myself out in a less populated area. I could do what I want without worrying about bothering someone else and that no one else would bother me. But a job that's well suited for me, like the one I have now, tends to be in the cities and not out in the country.

I don't like being alone all of the time. I feel that relationships with others are important. As of now at where I live, I prefer to be alone than to be with others who are bad. But in that case, being all alone is the lesser of the evil of being with bad company. It seems like that's the only choice that I have.

It makes sense to me from the perspective of - and I hope you don't mind if I offer a sort of psych evaluation - from the perspective of the quite low self esteem and the self loathing that you've expressed before, Só leigheas. And I can relate to aspects of that. If a person is carrying such a low self opinion then it's only natural that you wouldn't want to be around others as, for me, I often don't feel on an equal par with them. I know in reality that I am on a par with them, but my mind has constant thoughts to the contrary. My very mind. And so you end up isolating but the mind keeps going along it's own crazy tangents regardless, so to speak.

So, that could be one way to look at it, I guess.

Trust could be an issue, as well.

Perhaps you desire connection and camaraderie with others Só leigheas (most of us do) but at the same time it seems like a lot of work to open up or trust others...particularly if you've been burned by folks in the past. For about a year now, I have taken a big step back from the friends I used to regularly spend time with. Other than my significant other (who is good and kind) I mostly spend time alone now. I honestly do not prefer life that way. I really value time with others but lately it felt healthier for me to step back and assess the effect that other people's energies were having on my life. I think when I'm ready I'll gradually start branching out again and meeting new friends.

The irony you mention is understandable to me. Fits with depression though I am sorry you feel badly. Wishing you peace and a bright future

Hello. This is my first time here in a long time. Maybe my input can help me and others too. Will19, I live alone in the country and I am old enough to know better. I have two companion dogs and a son who rarely calls, and an ex who unfortunately does call. Overall, my life is good, except I am very alone by choice. I suppose this is not the best coping strategy for my depression, but it has got me through many low times. Isolation has always been my thing. Even as a child, I preferred being alone, except for my pets. This post is unusual for me, but I want to reach out to another who has similar ways of coping. Being a hermit works for me, perhaps not for most, I realize, yet it works for me. At least, that is how I would prefer to see it.

It's not easy to open up to others, Sò leigheas. Maybe that's why you prefer to be alone? Or maybe you have problems trusting other people because of your past. Do you think that may be the reason? Does the company of other people usually makes you feel better or not? Sometimes people just prefer to be alone, especially when they're depressed, even if they don't feel necessarely good. Either way, you always have us here. I hope writing here can help a bit. Feel free to PM me anytime. You know I always like to talk to you, my friend. I know it's not the same thing as having a support system IRL, but I hope I can at least help you a bit. Let me know what I can do to make you feel a little less lonely. Sending many hugs to you

I'm not sure. My past could have something to do with it for sure, but it's weird.

I don't know. I'm having trouble replying. My mind isn't wanting to work today.