I think that the fact that you are willing to post about this, knowing that you will get many responses all pretty much stating the opposite of what you want to hear, is progress. Sometimes when I've been on the cusp of making changes, I'm exactly in this place of doing the opposite of what I know would probably be best for me.

I think if you could help your T without any cost to yourself-- including your time (unless you can really spare it)-- then maybe it would feel differently. What feels a little heartbreaky to me is that you feel if you refuse her request, then your T relationship will change for the worse. Doing it freely is one thing, but doing it out of fear of losing her in some way is where it feels exploitive.

But it sounds like you and she had a conversation about this. If you want to share--- was this addressed? Did she assure you that you could refuse freely, or if she did, do you not believe her?