i don't want to hurt my friends and my family..
as much as i say to myself I don't want to live anymore..and im serious when i say that....at the same time i equally don't want to die...so i guess i don't know what i want...
i didn't kill myself yesterday...i didn't do it today...and I probably won't do it tomorrow.......................
it scares me a little...but I see myself doing it in the future..because I am terrified that im never going to succeed in what I really want out of life...i want a to get married have a husband and have children...i want to have a family of my own to care for..i want to be loved by a man and cherished for life..that's what i WANT....i don't want anything else but this...and in the years to come when i realise it is too late and i have missed this opportunity or if It renders true that I cannot have children..i think i will become acutely suicidal....because it will mean the abuse of me has prevented me from having what i want most...and that is my own family...and if it ends up like that i don't know what the point would be anymore...because that is what i believe the point of living is...not for everyone...but for ME...so i guess the hope that this dream could come true....keeps me ALIVE....HOPE....