What keeps you alive?

My husband my baby sister (13 yrs old) she needs me so much. and this place, I am glad i found PC. And the dream of one day being a mother.

The inability to think of a fool proof way to commit suicide and have it look like an accident.

I think about su alot and have ever since my teens except for a brief period in my 20's. What keeps me going is I see su as letting the bastards win. I've survived to much and overcome too many struggles to give in now. The meds definitely help too as does therapy. But basically it comes down to me being really stubborn about my own survival.

---spliitmage

My partner & his gorgeous children.
The rest of my family and friends.
The fact that every day is a new day, a new slate & that day becomes what we make it!!

I can't say meds as I don't take them anymore!!

The only reason really is that I would upset my friend, and the person I look up to the most. She is doing so much to help me, and I would hate to make her feel like I didn't care or I threw her advice away. Also the fact that I will be a camp counselor in the summers, and I like helping other people there, so I wouldn't want to give that up.

My family keeps pushing me on. I think if I were gone then my whole family would be suicidal.

my cats & the fear of the unknown

Up until now (it sounds harsh but...) I wouldn't consider my familys feelings when I felt suicidal... it just seemed too hard and I selfishly thought I'm the one that's worst off.
But two nights ago my mum was crying her eyes out and telling me how much she loved me and she wouldnt survive if I did something stupid... that hit me really hard, we cried and held each other for what seemed like hours...
and I know it will still be hard when I feel like 'that', but if I do I'm going to picture my mum doing that again... she's the only person who's helped me through depression and illness, I can't give up on her

molly

For me, definitely the fear of the unknown.

Not wanting to hurt my family was a big reason. After that though, I thought I deserved to not have to live a miserable life. So my best strategy was to think to myself, "What is it that is hurting me, that I am holding on to or what is it that would be good for me that I'm not willing to do?" I was not willing to do certain things or give up certain attitudes because I wanted to be able to call the shots. When I was willing to do what was right even though it wasn't what I wanted to do, that gave my life more stability. I couldn't convince myself that suicide was the right thing to do. Instead, thinking of suicide convinced me I was on the wrong path and needed to make changes. I could not believe I was born to one day commit suicide. I had to do something with my life. Not just do something with my life but get rid of the pain of depression as well.

My reasons for not committing suicide:

1. If I work hard enough someday I will be able to prove to my mother that I'm not a loser.

2. The possibly of surviving a suicide attempt and ending up disabled, which would just make me even more depressed. Becoming a vegetable is also a possibility. Of course, that would resolve the whole depression issue but I don't really like the idea of drooling in a nursing home with strangers wiping my *** and feeding me at age 26.

3. I'm an atheist so I'm afraid of death. The thought of not existing is frightening.

i don't want to hurt my friends and my family..
as much as i say to myself I don't want to live anymore..and im serious when i say that....at the same time i equally don't want to die...so i guess i don't know what i want...
i didn't kill myself yesterday...i didn't do it today...and I probably won't do it tomorrow.......................
it scares me a little...but I see myself doing it in the future..because I am terrified that im never going to succeed in what I really want out of life...i want a to get married have a husband and have children...i want to have a family of my own to care for..i want to be loved by a man and cherished for life..that's what i WANT....i don't want anything else but this...and in the years to come when i realise it is too late and i have missed this opportunity or if It renders true that I cannot have children..i think i will become acutely suicidal....because it will mean the abuse of me has prevented me from having what i want most...and that is my own family...and if it ends up like that i don't know what the point would be anymore...because that is what i believe the point of living is...not for everyone...but for ME...so i guess the hope that this dream could come true....keeps me ALIVE....HOPE....

I owe too may people too much money and I cant die until I learn how to play at least one song on my guitar, and at the rate im progressing I might be 80 by the time I do that

also I want to live to see my son play soccer so I can hit on all the soccer moms

Most of my life, I have been a victim. A victim of some ones else's cruelty or to my severe depression. I got mad and decided that I would never be a victim again. I would fight with every ounce of my being to live. Here I am now, and I am finally in control of my life...no one else, I won't let a mental disorder stop me from living.