Maybe. Or maybe they got together on an impulse, very fast.



You used the guy to feel less emotional pain from your breakup. Now you are complaining that you feel used by the guy.


The good thing is that you are aware of what he was doing and of your needs - you needed messages that would show keen interest in your person, maybe passion, longing, and not vapid "how are you?". What you are not doing and should start doing is insisting on either getting what you need or not pursuing a relationship altogether, i.e. not settling for anything short of what meets your desires. Also, it is good that you pay attention to what is going on - that is a good quality to have in life.



It is possible that he started to distance himself because he perceived accurately that you did not have feelings for him and your relationship with him was vapid.


Deleting him from Facebook was impulsive and going overboard. If you did not want him to see your posts, you could have posted sharing with friends but him. He would not have noticed, whereas your deleting him was visible to him. You are right in that you need to learn to be a bit more patient for your own benefit. Also, had you continued posting about your beautiful life, sharing your posts with him and not messaging him at all, he would have very soon started messaging YOU.



What was your purpose in saying that? What goals did you pursue and what response from him, if any, did you expect to elicit by saying that?


You acted desperately and illogically. If you did not want to continue talking with him, you should not have contacted him yourself. Remember that it was you calling, texting, and leaving a VM for him. It is very hard not to be desperate at times - we have all been there - but it is much easier not to at least not act desperately.



Once again - you did not have feelings for the guy. The guy did not have feelings for you and never said that he loved you on his own volition but only when you would criticize him for not being interested enough. When there are two people who are having this lukewarm - at best - relationship with one another, with neither party being interested, caring, passionate, or any other positive word you can think of, the question is "why?" Why are they having this relationship when neither of them cares for the other? In your case, the answer is clear - you were trying to not think as much about the previous guy. Possibly, if I am allowed a guess, you wanted to feel wanted as a way to compensate yourself for the blow you felt from the break-up that had preceded. Whatever the reasons were, you were using the guy - you did not care for him or about him. You had your own reasons that were wholly external to his existence, his being and his interests and for that reason you pursued the relationship with him. Possibly, he had his own reasons, too. Maybe he did not want to feel lonely. Maybe he did not have a love interest at that time and want to fill the vacancy of a girlfriend of sorts until a better candidate came along. Who knows. Maybe you used him and he used you. Clearly neither of you guys had the wisdom to call it quits without involving yet more parties (such as that possible other woman) but just out of genuine respect for each other, because why waste the precious and finite days of your young lives on a doomed relationship in which nobody cares for the other?


This is a very typical scenario that most people have been in - you feel hurt because you feel that he had the upper hand, that it was him who exhibited disinterest in you, that it was him who possibly dated yet another woman, that he did not respond to your calls and texted when you were desperately and frantically contacting him (to tell him that you do not want to be contacted...), and not vice versa. Do a mental exercise and imagine what it would feel had the tables been turned. Imagine that he is the one desperately calling you and you are not returning his calls, etc. How would you feel then?



There are two things you are doing that are wrong that are obvious to an untrained eye. Thing #1 is that you go (see below) from one nail to another instead of learning how to be really happy ALONE first. Thing #2 is your belief in rules, in rule-based outcomes (... wait X months before sleeping with a guy...). Two people can hit it off right away and stay together or in your case you discovered that all that waiting (and longer waiting would not have helped) amounted to nothing because you did not matter to him and he did not matter to you. Dating is not a game with rules - it is not a table setting for which there is a prescription that tells you where and how to put forks, knives and spoons. Each relationship is unique, sometimes spontaneity and adventurousness are the way to go, sometimes a longer period of courtship - if it is savored by both him and her and builds suspense - results in a couple in which they value each other more later, and there are a myriad other scenarios. If you still believe that there are rules that you can go by and secure yourself a good outcome, you are too young to date and would be better off learning how to be happy alone and cultivating friendships, interests, skills and abilities, but not trying to develop romantic relationships. I know this is not what you intended to hear, but I hope that you will be able to see value in becoming a more self-sufficient person who does not rely on outside crutches in order to feel well. The benefits are numerous - not being made to feel used to easily is a big benefit.


Beautifully put. You learned something very important in that little ordeal of yours - you learned that folk wisdom is not always wise and that adding nails will make a bigger hole.