Just yesterday I was a young boy full of hope. That I'll become a scientist and contribute, was my thought. Not that it was created yesterday, but rather it's been in my mind ever since I joined BSc. It's almost been a year. What I've realized is the following.

I have tried, and it's almost certain I won't be successful. I cannot handle the stress of graduate school. It's best I leave the world to its fate. It tears me up, that I cannot do anything, but unfortunately, I have to live with that. I am lonely, I am desperate, I want love, all that, but , some things aren't possible. An 18 year old mind couldn't accept the fact, even though it knows it.

It's just a fact, I'll always be alone, always be scared, always be lonely, always would want to become a hero and generously want to help people. Nothing will ever change, cause it's just how things are for me. It's very saddening, but I lack the abilities and skills required to be a scientist. I wouldn't wish my fate upon my enemies.

But hey, at least I am here and capable of making small differences. I'll have to do something else for a living, it doesn't matter now... Better accept and move on. Life won't wait.

And also, to the people I love romantically - I love you, I am sorry I can't be with you. It's not our fault, it isn't anybody's fault, it's just my luck. I love you all and wish the best for you all. Best wishes from me.

To the people I love as friends - I love you as well. I wish you wouldn't feel pain, but everybody has to suffer to some extent. Thank you for being there for me.