Often times

Just yesterday I was a young boy full of hope. That I'll become a scientist and contribute, was my thought. Not that it was created yesterday, but rather it's been in my mind ever since I joined BSc. It's almost been a year. What I've realized is the following.

I have tried, and it's almost certain I won't be successful. I cannot handle the stress of graduate school. It's best I leave the world to its fate. It tears me up, that I cannot do anything, but unfortunately, I have to live with that. I am lonely, I am desperate, I want love, all that, but , some things aren't possible. An 18 year old mind couldn't accept the fact, even though it knows it.

It's just a fact, I'll always be alone, always be scared, always be lonely, always would want to become a hero and generously want to help people. Nothing will ever change, cause it's just how things are for me. It's very saddening, but I lack the abilities and skills required to be a scientist. I wouldn't wish my fate upon my enemies.

But hey, at least I am here and capable of making small differences. I'll have to do something else for a living, it doesn't matter now... Better accept and move on. Life won't wait.

And also, to the people I love romantically - I love you, I am sorry I can't be with you. It's not our fault, it isn't anybody's fault, it's just my luck. I love you all and wish the best for you all. Best wishes from me.

To the people I love as friends - I love you as well. I wish you wouldn't feel pain, but everybody has to suffer to some extent. Thank you for being there for me.

Hi Chemist,

I'm sorry you have found out that you can't be a scientist. I used to think I could do anything, but realized that I need sleep too much to make it through a difficult academic program. I definitely couldn't be a doctor because they are constantly sleep deprived. I can't function without sleep.

However, you can make a difference in the world even if it's not through medicine. For example, I volunteer teaching English as a Second Language and I find it very rewarding. I don't get paid, but I feel like I do make a difference in my students' lives.

Of course, Down, I can make a difference. But not in the way my youthful heart and mind want me to.

I am feeling lonely because after all, I won't have many friends ever.... It's one of the reasons I wrote this thread. Loneliness is killing me, Down.

You are still so young, my heart goes out to you because 18 was a very difficult age for me as well. I just wanted to say, if you are not able to do schooling right now due to depression, anxiety, whatever, there is no shame in that. There is also no shame in going part-time, or seeking a tutor or counselling to help you out.

I had to drop out of school twice before coming back 5 years later at the age of 26 when I was ready to do so. My grades have been stellar, and I'll be graduating from college this May. Sometimes our life does not progress how we imagined it, and there are bumps in the road, but we get there eventually.

How is the BSc program going for you? You said you've been in it for a year now, correct?

Loneliness is difficult that's for sure. I was very lonely for a long time when I moved to a new city, so I know what it's like.

True, it's all true, but there's only an extent of stress where I can thrive. Getting a doctorate in any of the life sciences and curing neurological conditions like ALS will never be a reality for me. It's just a fact. But I am glad that you've found your path.

It's going okay for me, but MSc and later PhD are not something I can do.

You are still very young. You might not even know your own potential yet. I didn’t realize until I was older that I am much more capable than I ever believed. Keep faith in yourself. No matter what you feel or how hard things are in the moment, just keep believing in yourself. Follow your logic and reasoning and let your emotions catch up to you later.

I would encourage you to focus on your BSc for now, take it one degree at a time. Things tend to change in our lives, who knows what the future holds for you? It sounds like you want to make a difference, and I think you will.