You didnt want to commit to therapy after your last appointment. Its like you have this idea of therapy as being like some husbands say, "Well, my wife is married, but im not!" Meaning the weaker or dependent one HAS to be there, but the master can come and go? But thats not really true, is it. Each person controls their participation in their relationship.

Anyway, i think his unavailability is partly his not wanting to play that game. Therapy isnt a drop-in thing.

It doesnt have to be need. It can be just a want. Wanting your life to be different. Wanting a willing, helpful, pleasant, available ear attached to a human brain.

You ARE in control of your half of your relationships. Maybe T leaving made you feel like you werent, but there are other ts in the sea.