Quote:
Originally Posted by newtus
I dont feel good. Im so stressed out.
1. I dont feel good. Im probably a bit hungover, but i been sneezing and mucus been coming up.
2. I missed my appt for T. They havent called me back to reschedule.
3. My job counselor called. He wants to make an appt to meet again and try to get and actually hourly paying job. Idk if im ready for that. I explained to him me not wanting to stay on disability forever but i need it right now.
4. My mom wanted me to come down to meet my sis. But shes only here for a few days. She packed her schedule for all three days, but she wants me to come down for a few hours but im 1 1/2 or so hours away from my moms. Its just cutting it too close for the drive. And im not gonna spend the night at my moms. Thats out of the question for me.
5. My energy is hellbound. Im too tired for any effing thing ever. I think when i see this new pdoc ima tell him to take me off haldol and put on a different AP for more energy.
6. I STILL havent gotten my vitamins and i really really need them. They are 7-8 vitamins and they help me physically and with my energy. They are delivered in a parcel locker and the office doesnt know shyt about how to get them out of THEIR OWN mailing boxes. A-holes. I called USPS up and down for days. Nothing is going on. They were 80 dollars.
7. I havent checked on anything for school. I havent signed the papers for the school money loan. I just dont have the time to.
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I feel you. My flat affect makes me feel like I have cotton in my brain. I come here on PC and I have nothing to talk about because my affect is so flat that I'm not inspired to say anything at all.
The trick that I've learned though, is if I just go into the right environment then I can become motivated to read and write. Also, everyday I try to listen to something beautiful, say something reasonable, and read something interesting, even if I read the same book. I've read faust and Ender's Game each half a dozen times, I've read Harry Potter's Deathly Hollow twice (audio version of that.)
If emotionally I can't summon any motivation, I turn on something that greases the brain cell. I have a Spotify playlists called Deep Thought that I've been growing for a couple years now, there's no lyrics in any of these songs, but I then try to focus on the emotion it should provoke and write something that the music inspired.
Even though I have read Faust at least 6 times now, I started to write a blog post about the Ethics within the Tragedy. I'm still a ways from completing it though.
The cord of last recall is to go into a quiet bar and have a few tall beers, but that's only when im desperate, which I typically am. :-/ My other safe zone is the library. Have you visited your library yet? Is there one near you? Good libraries will let you have an app (like OverDrive) that allows you to check out audio books, and they'll have dvd's and blu rays too for something new for you two to watch together. Engaging in philosophy doesn't always have to include old, dusty books. Brew some high quality coffee, and bring a snack so you can enjoy a few hours there. The thing with books, is that they may add value to life but they might not give you meaning, experiences and relationships can give you deeper meaning I think. The scholar's life might be a little sterile for many.