My family have high expectations of me.

They expect me to come and see them at the drop of a hat. They rarely contact me first and always think I should make the effort.

A few examples of their expectations of me;

My parents celebrated my younger sisters birthday for a week. Lunches, days out, drinks etc they all took leave from work.
I couldn't do all of this so I went for dinner and a lunch and also met for a drink. When I left the bar after and hour they got moody saying I should have stayed longer and I didn't put in much effort.

When my dad was ill I visited as much as I could which was most days and when I couldn't visit I called on the phone. Again I should have been there more and should have came to the hospital every day.

My dad called me one night saying he had a hospital appointment the next day and needed me to take him as my mum was working and my sister was 'unavailable' I couldn't do it and he got mad at me saying I never put the family first above work and I'm selfish?!

Mother's Day, I suggested going for breakfast as I had a day planned with my daughter and partner in the afternoon. I wanted it to be just us 3 for that part. I popped in the morning and no one was home, I left a card and flowers and got no message or call thanking me.

Called my dad to ask about his appointment, no answer so text asking if all was ok. He replied saying I don't want to talk over the phone. That was it

Any ideas how to handle this? It's totally draining me