I am not sure... It became easier for me when I was able to see their behaviors for what they were - just poor attempts at their own survival and self-regulation. Their behaviors were not about me, but about their own needs, their own wants, their own survival.
For me that makes it easier. They were never/are never going to are about me, except for in their own hurtful ways. That isn't about me. They aren't capable of doing better.
That isn't an excuse for their behavior. That's just how it is.

The "love" and "acceptance" they have to offer (such as it is) is definitely not the kind of love or acceptance that I want. That any human being would want.

It sounds like your FOO were the same... whatever miniscule amount of love or caring they had for you was not that kind that any growing child would want or need. It probably would have been the same if they had a ferret, a fish, or an organ-utan instead of a bear cub! It wouldn't have mattered because they were likely not capable of truly nurturing a child and supporting its natural and normal development.