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#1
May 28, 2019, 03:19 PM
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How do you stop caring what those who cannot care think about you?
This is not an attack ....or even criticism ...regarding anyone with any particular diagnosis...(or anyone on pc) I’ve had good friends with “severe” bpd (the title of the book..) and traits of NPD.. My question, how do you stop caring what those with an inability to care think of you? All the FOO had an inability to care about me (“family” of origin) I will not blame the young cub Fuzzybear for “not being good enough” or worse. I could not have pleased them or been accepted by them whatever I did. I would have been punished whatever I did or did not do,  I have CPTSD so please no comments like “stop living in the past” or “move on”... I try to live in the moment but due to my mh issues sometimes I have flashbacks etc... I am working on this... I have not (yet) found a tremendous amount of quality support from professionals in this forest irl...
__________________
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 little turtle, Merlin, Miss P, Mopey, Rohag, Thirty shades
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 Miss P, Thirty shades
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#2
May 28, 2019, 05:19 PM
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 I would love to know the answer on how to give up worrying about people who do not care about you. Rejection is cruel and those of us with CPTSD have endured more than our fair share. No cub deserves to be treated like this. All cubs deserve unconditional love. Professionals in the forest don't have an understanding of us or how to treat us. That is no excuse for blaming us for our mental health though. Much love to your inner cub and all inner cubs here 
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| Fuzzybear, Rohag
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| Fuzzybear
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#3
May 28, 2019, 05:30 PM
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From the few reviews I've seen online, the book Stop Walking on Eggshells is loved and hated. Perhaps that's inevitable.
 Quote:
I suppose some might say, "Time heals." My observation is that is often accurate but not universally so. Sometimes time doesn't heal. Sometimes the wounding damages the very self-healing capacities employed by the psyche to recover. Fuzzybear, have you ever come across anyone you think did successfully stop caring about what others thought about them?   
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| Fuzzybear
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| Fuzzybear
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#4
May 28, 2019, 10:20 PM
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((((((( Fuzzy ))))))) ... No easy answer, I'm afraid.
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| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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| Fuzzybear
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#5
May 29, 2019, 01:21 AM
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I asked myself, "Why would they think that of me?" The answers i came up with do not let me look upon them very favorably. I am sad, but if they are truly so ignorant, i have no room for them in my life. Why would i.
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| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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#6
May 29, 2019, 01:52 AM
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I am not sure... It became easier for me when I was able to see their behaviors for what they were - just poor attempts at their own survival and self-regulation. Their behaviors were not about me, but about their own needs, their own wants, their own survival.
For me that makes it easier. They were never/are never going to are about me, except for in their own hurtful ways. That isn't about me. They aren't capable of doing better. That isn't an excuse for their behavior. That's just how it is. The "love" and "acceptance" they have to offer (such as it is) is definitely not the kind of love or acceptance that I want. That any human being would want. It sounds like your FOO were the same... whatever miniscule amount of love or caring they had for you was not that kind that any growing child would want or need. It probably would have been the same if they had a ferret, a fish, or an organ-utan instead of a bear cub! It wouldn't have mattered because they were likely not capable of truly nurturing a child and supporting its natural and normal development. |
| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades, unaluna
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#7
May 29, 2019, 02:45 AM
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Quote:
 for posting this.You have given a good explanation to a small matter I have been grappling with.
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| Fuzzybear, unaluna
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| Fuzzybear
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#8
May 29, 2019, 11:38 AM
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Thank you all so much for your replies
__________________
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| Rohag, Thirty shades
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| Thirty shades
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#9
May 29, 2019, 12:23 PM
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Besides, Fuzzy, if you are a caring person you are a caring person. You can't really root that lovely quality out of yourself, and if you really think about it, would you really want to?
I think what caring people have to do is develop some healthy boundaries and defenses. Now that's potentially do-able.
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| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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| Fuzzybear, Thirty shades
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#10
May 29, 2019, 01:04 PM
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Quote:
(((((((((( Mopey ))))))))))
__________________
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| Thirty shades
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| Thirty shades
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| Reply |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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