((((((((((((((((((BB, Lyn))))))))))))))))))

ty. i am running pretend dialogs in my head to see if i could actually tell t or a dr that. my MD is out of town and really she is a specialist more or less. but my fam dr has a very nice Nurse Pract. (with an annoyingly intense "bedside manner") that i am trying to imagine telling. I don't think i can really, but it is a step. she'd then tell the fam dr who i've known since i was 13 (who terrifies me) and i really don't want that.
I am starting to see that as long as i have this particular "out" available to me, moving forward is sort of not realistic. now i just have to want that more than i want to not exist.