I want a matter to you in a really deep way. Not just another client. I want you to really care about me. I want to matter like your family and close friends do. I also know its because I dont feel that from people in my life. I think people like me but not in the sense I will be deeply missed when I'm gone. I wish I could be part of your life. I really like you as a person, how genuine you are with me and what you've struggled with in your life. But I guess what I'm really looking for would never be found in any sort of friendship with you either. Maybe I'd rank a little higher in the importance order but it wouldnt be the same.