Quote:
Originally Posted by Wild Coyote
  (((((( wildflowerchild ))))))
I am very sorry you are struggling.
I know that I sometimes emphasize focusing on the positive, etc. I have to admit, this approach is okay for people who are in a place where they feel they can choose their approach.
It is entirely possible that someone is far too depressed and is feeling too paralyzed to feel any sense of having a choice. In these cases, this emphasis on the positive might make some feel guilty, or somehow "less than." This is not my intention; however, I need to keep this in mind.
I try to help people to discover they might have a choice when they feel as though they do not. Anything I share (type out) is as much a message/challenge to myself as it may be for anyone else. I learn a lot here.
So, I hope my approach has not been upsetting to you. 
You feel the way you feel and your feelings are valid. It appears as though you are in, or are headed into, a full-fledged episode of depression and anxiety. 
In all honesty, I feel for you and am very concerned about you. I am hoping your appt with your pdoc is soon. I think I recall you have a meeting this coming week?
The ongoing nightmares can become very exhausting and very disheartening, I know. I have been having night terrors for weeks now. It is so very trying.
It seems as though you are somewhat lost in your nightmares, in your depression, in your anxiety. I wonder how to help you to step outside of these experiences and move into a space where you do feel you have choices, which would feel so much more freeing than feeling so stuck in your current inner overwhelming and self-defeating experiences?
It was a very healthy move to go to the apple festival this morning.  You were stepping outside of the overwhelming experiences you have been having otherwise. I hope you can continue to choose to do this on at least a daily basis. I think it will serve you very well.
I have been thinking of you, hoping and praying you will feel much better as soon as is possible. I am so glad you have the support you now have!
Please just hang in and take good care of yourself. You can get through this. You can work through any misunderstandings with your brother and with his wife. It is not all hopeless, even though it may seem so right now.
At all times, remember you are LOVED!!! |
Thank you WC. I always appreciate your words of support! I promise no one here has made me feel guilty. I think that is just the depression playing mind games with me.
I do meet with my pdoc on Tuesday, and immediately following I meet with my T. She’s going to be shocked that I resigned so suddenly. Last she knew I was going to try to work through it. But I still stand by my decision to resign; I wish I could make as much money in a less stressful position but I can’t. I have to accept my place in life. At least I can still work, albeit not in the position I was hoping for.
I am trying not to be “stuck” in my depression. Today we went to target, the Halloween store (got my son a costume) and to the grocery store. It kept me busy. I also got to watch part of one of my favorite movies (don’t judge me but it was sister act
). So I am actively trying to stay ahead of the game.
I am a little worried though. My son wanted RS to see something in Minecraft while he was driving, so RS said “you have to wait, do you want me to crash the car and kill us all?” And I thought YES! That’s terrible that it’s coming to this. I’m glad I don’t really drive on the highway anymore; I have picked out the perfect spot in the past to crash my car. I don’t think I’d ever do it but the thought is there.
Yet, I am trying to keep on. I am happy I have the support of RS this time around. I can’t tell you how much of a difference it makes to have someone to talk to all this about. He accepts everything I have to say and doesn’t judge me. Sometimes I think I’m relying to heavily on him but I guess sometimes you just need someone in your life. I’m so used to being independent but then everything implodes around me because I’m not reaching out for the help I need.
I’m considering when I have insurance returning to the night IOP program they have in my area, IF I’m still feeling this way in three weeks. I hope I won’t be.