Thank you WC. I always appreciate your words of support! I promise no one here has made me feel guilty. I think that is just the depression playing mind games with me.


I do meet with my pdoc on Tuesday, and immediately following I meet with my T. She’s going to be shocked that I resigned so suddenly. Last she knew I was going to try to work through it. But I still stand by my decision to resign; I wish I could make as much money in a less stressful position but I can’t. I have to accept my place in life. At least I can still work, albeit not in the position I was hoping for.


I am trying not to be “stuck” in my depression. Today we went to target, the Halloween store (got my son a costume) and to the grocery store. It kept me busy. I also got to watch part of one of my favorite movies (don’t judge me but it was sister act ). So I am actively trying to stay ahead of the game.


I am a little worried though. My son wanted RS to see something in Minecraft while he was driving, so RS said “you have to wait, do you want me to crash the car and kill us all?” And I thought YES! That’s terrible that it’s coming to this. I’m glad I don’t really drive on the highway anymore; I have picked out the perfect spot in the past to crash my car. I don’t think I’d ever do it but the thought is there.


Yet, I am trying to keep on. I am happy I have the support of RS this time around. I can’t tell you how much of a difference it makes to have someone to talk to all this about. He accepts everything I have to say and doesn’t judge me. Sometimes I think I’m relying to heavily on him but I guess sometimes you just need someone in your life. I’m so used to being independent but then everything implodes around me because I’m not reaching out for the help I need.


I’m considering when I have insurance returning to the night IOP program they have in my area, IF I’m still feeling this way in three weeks. I hope I won’t be.