The time will change in the US soon. Fall back. Don't forget!

I changed my avatar photo. I have not and will never forget my sweet birdies, but I thought I'd emphasize the "Dancer" for a while after showing my "Bird". The photo is of me when I was 15 years old. That was likely only months before my very first major bipolar episode. I remember that day very well. I arrived for the photo session only to find that I had forgotten my toe shoes (pointe shoes). The ones I'm wearing in the picture were borrowed from a friend. They were Capezios, while I always wore Freed of London. I remember that my mother used to order them for me from their workshop in Philadelphia. With Freed's you could select a specific craftsman's toe shoes. That helped find the best ones for the dancer's feet. I still have one dirty old pair from maybe 28 to 30 years ago.

The other day, I wrote a rather intense post for my blog. I hadn't written much of consequence for quite a while. Then this evening, I received an email from one of my former therapists. She is a most lovely dear lady that I only stopped seeing because she moved so far from my home. She has followed my blog and is apparently concerned after reading my post. She implored me to let her know what is happening. I will, and yet I feel a bit ill at ease about doing so. The reason is because I had developed a strong transference reaction to her. To cut to the chase, she reminded me so much of my beloved mother. She even looks like my mother to a degree. Her voice, her face, her hair, her smile, her loving nature. She used to even grab me into hugs that were so much like my mother's. In the end, as sad as it was to quit her, it was for the best given the transference.

The unease stems from the fact that the blog post in question was about my father and my feeling that his love for me is dead (or dying) because of his illness. Then suddenly a "mother-like" figure contacts me? Though this psychologist is alive, my mother has been gone for almost 15 years. Oddly, almost the same number of years I was alive in my new avatar photo.