Bipolar check in #39

The Mass went well. Everyone was pleased with the treats we had out for them afterward.
On the other hand, when I went out to start my car to go to work, I could tell that the timing was off. The shop had told me that the timing was going and that the headgasket should also be replaced. I just didn't expect it as soon as this. That's going to be several thousand dollars. Why does this have to come right now?

Well I did get some poor quality sleep , better than nothing so I’ll take it.

One of my best friends on the planet is just really struggling so hard right now. We have talked back and forth on WhatsApp a lot .. I just wish I could paddle to Cape Town South Africa and wrap her in a great big hug and not let go

I forgot to call the GI office this morning to have them send the ultrasound order to my local hospital instead of having to drive 1.5 hours north. They closed at noon .. oooops good to know, I’ll call them Monday.

The worries of the “ first of the year” has started already started today for me. It’s all about paying our medical deductibles and property taxes. Most years I’m able to pack all my deductible into my T and Pdoc visits.. there company is laid back and very willing to work with you on paying the balance over the whole year and not in a couple months.

But I’ll have to deal with my rheumatologist and likely Pulmonary specialist bills will take up a larger portion and they have a much stricter guidelines as to paying balances. Yay more worried

We have been invited over to a friends house for a party tomorrow night. I like Brent he’s a nice guy , his wife? Yeah well I/we really don’t care for her much at all... she’s a “ knows everything” type. I’ll of course me nice and polite, I’m a chameleon and can act however I need to be which is a skill I have perfected over the years and has served me well.

I have no desire to drink but I’ll need a bit of help for just dealing with many people so my trusty Xanax will help that issue. Who knows it might be a lot of fun ?? If not ? It was just a good reason to put on cute boots a dash of makeup and have a great hair night.

It’s so funny... my pic you see isn’t current ... 4 years ago I stopped coloring my hair. It’s a bright silver white and long and I get so many compliments on it... so many more than when I kept it colored, makes me wish I had stopped coloring 2 decades ago.. I could have saved soooo much money lol ... yesterday at least 10 of my daughters friends on Facebook send me random “ I love your hair “ messages. Really made my day LOL.

I legit can’t figure out how to change my picture on here, I have tried to follow directions.. I’m just a dummy maybe I’ll give it another try one day.

Anyone have weekend plans ????

Hugs and cookies ~~~

Got SLEEP last night! Compromised and took one and a half ambien. Read a bit turned off the light and instant slumber. Woke up refreshed. No scratchy eyes, no headache, my back isn't hurting. Oh it was great! Sadly no dreams but that's ok.

Wow! Sounds like you kept your cool in a frightening situation. I hope your mom’s wound heals quickly. I’m glad it wasn’t more serious as falls and the elderly can be.

May I say how concerned I am about your well being? You have been doing so well but I’m worried that you are approaching your limit (if you haven’t already passed it). I care.

I hope you get good quality rest sometime today and things start calming down.

It certainly seems like a black cloud is following you around but you will persevere! Pure sunshine surrounds your aura and your soul although it may not seem that way right now.

Christina, so nice to hear about your silver-white natural hair color! I get lots of compliments on mine too i think because it is shiny and that's not always the case with grey hair. The temporary dye i used the other day just turned my hair a shade darker as it did not work and that's okay -- lots of people have black hair and silver-white is nicer on me. Jet black looks too unnatural on me. The temp dye is washing out nicely and i should be back to my 100% natural silver-white shade in no time. Also glad i gave up permanent dye tho it was mostly due to incompetence about keeping my roots dyed. Such a bore and what for? Everyone likes my silver-white hair too! We're Silver Foxes!

BirdDancer, your dessert sounds yummy and i so admire your skill in the kitchen, the work of a true artisan!

Fern, thanks again for your support! Means a lot to me!

Tried another Overeater's Anonymous last night as was feeling the need and i like it even better! It's in a vibrant busy community center near an eclectic neighborhood so there are staff and users about and the security is much better. There's a small quiet area with benches and windows for me to wait in out of the hubbub and relax where there was no access to the venue at the other location unless i had the key FOB. Arriving on the bus means i don't have a cozy car to wait in and it was going to be a problem in the Winter. The meeting room is spotless with a shining floor whereas the other meeting room was shabby and rundown and in need of a good scrubbing.

This meeting is in a bit of an interesting but slightly sketchy neighborhood with a lot of nightclubs but there were no hoodlums lurking around last night and there are lots of peaceful people about, even a horde of parents with kids attending events at the community center so i felt quite safe. The walk there takes me thru a lovely small park with a moving memorial sculpture and an area for dogs to run free and socialize and be their silly selves. There was a whippet with a custom dog-coat on yesterday. Whippets are so skinny with only short sleek fur so it's important for them to have good dog-coats in the harsh Canadian Winters.

The meeting was very moving with more of a variety of ages and i shed a few tears and thought i might lose control and sob but i fought for control and was okay. The sharing resonated with me many times. I was there early and set out chairs and one woman thanked me before and after the meeting and said she was so glad to arrive and see that the set-up was done. So i feel i contributed tho i do not share in support group meetings and never will as i have tried many times over the past 28 years, attending various groups and i find it harmful to talk intimately and not get any feedback, not get any sign that i have been heard. Makes me feel invisible and i already have terrible anxiety about being invisible -- i don't need it made worse in a support group. I just listen and take what i want and give other my silent support.

Having a quiet day enjoying "The Young and the Restless." So good to be getting back to my shows! I just mute the sound and close my eyes during the commercials and it's a nice break. My Arab cab driver the other day watches too! What a hoot!

Fought with myself about attending a live video game enactment downtown today and managed to get myself to say home so that i can use my puny supply of energy for good self-care for my dog and i. I'm sad to be missing out on all the fun but first things first. I think the Seroquel withdrawal is contributing to my epic fatigue. Something is wearing me out, that' for sure. Sleeping well and eating well so not sure what it could be. Have been recovering from my "acute fear reaction" since the day of the Canadian Climate Strike on September 27th so surely i should be better by now? It's been over a month! Mind you i had fire after fire to put out in the aftermath so perhaps i am still dealing with some of the fall-out even now. Sigh! Would be nice to feel some energy returning one day soon.

We are headed out to a party. I’d prefer to stay home but my husband is excited I’ll be back later to catch up on here.

Happy Saturday cookies for all ~

Well getting a nights great sleep wasn't enough to block my temper. Physically I feel great but mentally I just want a day alone. I had it all planed out. Wash the bedding, make sweat-n-sour chicken and take a shower. Mum had gone back to bed so I thought she was done with the washer/dryer. A lighthearted Christmas movie was just over and I was going down to get my sheets up and here comes mum huffing and puffing, you left your sheets downstairs. That irritates me cause I was just planing to get them. I go make my bed then get in the shower, I get wetted down, then there's no water! At least I hadn't got to the shampoo yet! I was yelling and throwing a fit because my plans were affected. But it is true that every time I plan to shower mum takes a shower or washes clothes. There's not enough water pressure for both. And not enough hot water for two showers the same day. I had planed to shower yesterday but mum beat me to it. So I acted like an *** and now feel like one! At least I made a nice lunch for us today. That turned out.

We are headed out to a party. I’d prefer to stay home but my husband is excited I’ll be back later to catch up on here.

Happy Saturday cookies for all ~

The time will change in the US soon. Fall back. Don't forget!

I changed my avatar photo. I have not and will never forget my sweet birdies, but I thought I'd emphasize the "Dancer" for a while after showing my "Bird". The photo is of me when I was 15 years old. That was likely only months before my very first major bipolar episode. I remember that day very well. I arrived for the photo session only to find that I had forgotten my toe shoes. The toe shoes I'm wearing in the picture were borrowed ones from a friend. I was always forgetful, thinking about so many other things that stuff would slip through the cracks. It never mattered, though, because everything always worked out.

We are headed out to a party. I’d prefer to stay home but my husband is excited I’ll be back later to catch up on here.

Happy Saturday cookies for all ~

Good Morning!


Am up checking on my mom.


We'd been out for appointments, errands all day yesterday. Took her to (an early) dinner. Came home.


She'd tripped, fell, hit her head (on way into house from garage).

You know head wounds, blood everywhere.


She was in a panic. I was trying to stop the bleeding . Needed to calm her down. Ice. Could see she'd need stitches/staples. More ice.

Called my sister who was just 5 miles away. We took her to the ER for wound care and for neuro. assessment.


4 staples. Wound 1.5 inches long.. Neuro exam fine.

If you recall, she'd torn both rotator cuffs a few days ago.


(She wasn't dizzy/light-headed. She'd tripped. She is older; however, she is very young for her age. People think she is 10-15 years younger than her age. Some have suggested a nursing home. She is simply not nursing home material.)


I have been checking on her, intermittently, through the night.

I am grateful her injuries are limited to a laceration and some bruising.


I am so very tired!. I might get a chance to sleep soon and/or sometime today.


Would someone please take a look.... is there a black cloud over my head?

Oh, how life likes to present challenges!

Keep smiling!


Much Love to All!

Got SLEEP last night! Compromised and took one and a half ambien. Read a bit turned off the light and instant slumber. Woke up refreshed. No scratchy eyes, no headache, my back isn't hurting. Oh it was great! Sadly no dreams but that's ok.

The Mass went well. Everyone was pleased with the treats we had out for them afterward.
On the other hand, when I went out to start my car to go to work, I could tell that the timing was off. The shop had told me that the timing was going and that the headgasket should also be replaced. I just didn't expect it as soon as this. That's going to be several thousand dollars. Why does this have to come right now?

(((((( ~Christina ))))))


So much to consider!

You make wise decisions and will be fine.

I hope you have some FUN tonight!

Much Love

Well getting a nights great sleep wasn't enough to block my temper. Physically I feel great but mentally I just want a day alone. I had it all planed out. Wash the bedding, make sweat-n-sour chicken and take a shower. Mum had gone back to bed so I thought she was done with the washer/dryer. A lighthearted Christmas movie was just over and I was going down to get my sheets up and here comes mum huffing and puffing, you left your sheets downstairs. That irritates me cause I was just planing to get them. I go make my bed then get in the shower, I get wetted down, then there's no water! At least I hadn't got to the shampoo yet! I was yelling and throwing a fit because my plans were affected. But it is true that every time I plan to shower mum takes a shower or washes clothes. There's not enough water pressure for both. And not enough hot water for two showers the same day. I had planed to shower yesterday but mum beat me to it. So I acted like an *** and now feel like one! At least I made a nice lunch for us today. That turned out.

I spent the day sleeping away my anxiety. I know that's bad but I don't even know how to explain it. I have to wait about 2.5 years to find out if my fears are accurate. So I just have to move on and put it out of my mind.