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Nov 15, 2019, 10:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic
I sort of get what you’re saying....I was a powerhouse at work then after a psychotic episode something switched and I got less involved with work and more into dating etc, now I’m not even working.....it’s like I can only handle one hat at a time.....where most people have work, play, love and family all at once.
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Originally Posted by BethRags
I don't have any answers for you, but I do have sympathy. What you're described in your OP is very common with BP, especially with mania. It's more than common actually; it's a symptom of BP.
I am absolutely sure that my father had BP and one of the reasons I am sure is because of exactly what you have described.
For example, he would become obsessively interested in one subject and pursue that subject as though he was using a jackhammer. He would sink money into *whatever* the interest was, learn all about it; it would become the center of his life. For months, even.
Suddenly BANG. Done. He would entirely lose interest in the subject, become flat, depressed, and come home from work only to sit and watch TV shows, one after another...just staring at the TV. Until the next "hobby" came along...
And come to think of it, I experience similar. For example, in February spring was showing signs of beginning. One day I felt so energized and excited that I decided to entirely redecorate my bedroom in a certain theme. I got in my car and hit the road, ended up going to 5 stores in 3 hours, blew several hundred dollars, came home, dragged all the stuff in, ordered more stuff online, and spent almost all night and the next 2 days putting my new bedroom together.
I recall sitting in the middle of the pile of merchandise I had purchased and feeling like it was Christmas morning and I was ten years old.
Then, suddenly, it all seemed wrong. Crazy. Foolish. I lost interest as if I was a different person. "Fragmented" works; I understand it.
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Yeah – that sums it up better than I could really, thanks you guys!
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Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer
I'm very much like that. Not sure how to link them together but I just go from one thing to the next and eventually cycle back. Some people call this tunnel vision. Isn't that a common Borderline trait?
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You know, I’m not sure – I try not to self-diagnose but I often feel I may have a personality disorder as structured of a disordered pattern (even if that sounds contradictory) I live my life. I might do some more reading into that! BPD has come up multiple times in relation to Bipolar so maybe there is a connection there between the two.
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Originally Posted by whatever2013
I have fragmentation too. I like this word because it suggests the "looseness" of my personality parts. Not that i'm "promiscuous"! Not that "looseness" as in "a loose woman"!!! But the idea that my parts do not co-operate as well as a healthy person's. I don't have a strong "executive personality." It's not quite dissociative identity disorder (DID) but it is shading in that direction.
It's not healthy because my "parts" are sometimes working at cross-purposes: the one who wants to be active and the one who wants to be sedentary; the one who wants to be an activist and the one who wants to be peaceful; the one who wants to be gregarious and the one who wants privacy; the one who wants sex and the one who wants celibacy; the one who wants to indulge and the one who wants moderation; the one who wants to be wild wild wild and the one who wants to be a couch potato; the one who wants to edit for an hour and the one who wants to scribble and move on.
I made a joke about it with my Facebook friends when i changed my avatar frequently and one person asked, "Who are you again?"! I say i am not "gender-fluid" but i AM "identity-fluid." Sometimes i feel strong and mighty. Other times i feel weak and vulnerable. At the moment i feel just pleasantly like i'm ten years old or so. Secure and curious about the world and open.
I also have the thing with passing fancies, or fascination with hobbies. The poet's call it having a "magpie mind." A magpie is a type of bird that gets fascinated with a shiny thing for a while then abruptly loses interest and moves on to the next shiny thing. In the past my main hobby was competitive Scrabble and i memorized thousands of obscure words in bit-size lists and had a great time -- they were organized in "stems" and were like mathematical songs to me.
I was fascinated with making public transit free in September and now am barely comfortable being a public transit user, much less activist. I also get fascinated with re-arranging my furniture here in my small living room and am delighted with myself but later see that it's not ergonomic and put everything back in the original spots. I also got fascinated with this song of Mormon oratory and scribbled the lyrics all over my kitchen cabinets in marker. I don't mind tho -- it's an uplifting song and the few plumbers who have seen it think it's cool. I scribbled lines of philosophy from the movie "Natural Born Killers" all over my bathroom walls in marker when i was fascinated with that movie.
I don't mind living this way. In fact, i think it's cool -- except for the acute fear or anxiety or frustration or rage episodes -- those i detest, of course. But i think the passing fancies are great and make me an interesting screwball type of person, a lovable bumble and we're good people!
Be well my friend!
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Just want to start by thanks you for putting a well-defined smile on my face today. I thoroughly enjoyed your message (serious parts too!). I like the idea of “magpie mind” – it essentially is the essence of what I’m talking about. I’m glad to see I’m not alone. Thanks for your post!
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