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Originally Posted by Atypical_Disaster
You, in a very unique way, truly grasp how dangerous this whole situation has wound up being for me. This really does sum up the nature of and gravity of the problem. The effects this has had on me and my life have been catastrophic at this point.
The bias for or against a certain diagnosis is a very real problem that goes unacknowledged and I am glad you mentioned that. Too many of these people over the years have had a nasty habit of ironically seeing what they wanted to see to confirm their bias towards a certain diagnosis (in my case it most frequently bipolar which is just as laughable now as it was a few years ago ... followed by PTSD, ADHD, and some other BS that I no longer remember) as opposed to what was actually present.
What was "interesting" according to them about you? For me it was my "intelligence". I was consistently, to the point of it being a source of never ending irritation, told I was "unusually, highly, exceptionally, and brilliantly intelligent" (quotes used, because these are their words, I would never speak of myself in this way) as a way to imply that I was therefore "too smart to have schizophrenia". While my IQ has been tested and is indeed above average, I caught on immediately to them trying to say I could not be schizophrenic due to my intelligence ... and I always pointed out that an IQ under a certain threshold was notably absent as a diagnostic criteria for schizophrenia and not a deciding factor for the diagnosis regardless. What utter and complete nonsense.
(Anecdotally, I have yet to meet another person with schizophrenia that is truly "stupid". Though, that is a different discussion.)
I also did not appreciate and still to this day find myself vastly unappreciative of the academic shade of intellectual arrogance that litters much of the institution of psychiatry as a whole. They believe they are oh so above it all, when the truth is that as a collective we still know next to nothing about the human brain and the mind. What we know does not translate into true understanding. Knowledge alone is not a virtue. Apologies for the mini rant, this kind of thing is such a pet peeve of mine.
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For me it was also about people saying that I'm intelligent just by talking to me. My analytical IQ is tested as higher than 85% of the population (Which is why I was so good at math) and my comprehension IQ was lower (Which is why I struggled with English) but it developed over time after I got psychosis but I'm modest and don't think about it like I'm higher than anyone else like doctors and psychiatrists do with their God complex and ego. Empathy is important and "good qualities" of being a person. People with "bad qualities" are often looked up to as well which is why I'm putting these in quotes. Good can be bad and bad can be good.
It would be cool to have an IQ of 140 like Edward Snowden and be a computer geek to dismantle the US government empire then flee to Russia but what matters to me is quality of life.
With schizophrenia, fluid intelligence drops because of frontal lobe damage and grey matter loss in the brain from the meds or the illness itself. Crystalized intelligence stays intact (All of the things that we know of and can talk about) but with lower fluid intelligence, you can't build as well on your crystalized intelligence. That's why I want to decrease my Invega injection but stay on a low dose to prevent psychosis in the future.
But there's ways to increase intelligence by doing things such as reading and other ways of exercising the mind, physical exercise and spiritual growth or generally having a good life, being confident, etc.. (Because people that are intelligent often have a trait where they have a lot of patience because they trust their abilities - But that doesn't mean that it's proof of that. A lot of intelligent people have no patience). What I've noticed is that there's no real "thing" in reality that you can grasp to be certain of. We're all here on this planet together to agree and disagree on things yet people kill for what they believe in and force it on others.. There's no love..
After I had my first psychosis, I was always told that I'm extremely insightful and it wasn't until I took the overdose of clonazepam by accident as a disinhibited suicide attempt that I went completely full blown psychotic for months. I never knew that it would cause psychosis because no one told me (Maybe it doesn't.. but I'm sure that it did now that the pieces are all coming together - Yet I was told that I should stay on the injection because I always stopped my meds and developed mild psychosis.. Do you see how I was screwed over here?).
Stimulants don't decrease intelligence while you're on them - Yet if you take too much, anyone can go psychotic. They change certain parts of the brain (As does everything in this reality) so long term exposure can cause permanent psychosis unless you stop taking it before it's too late to give the brain time to come out of that crystalized psychosis. So psychosis really has nothing to do with intelligence. "Psychosis" is losing touch with reality and if what scientists say is right (That there's no objective reality), I'm God?. But I don't believe that. There's objective and subjective reality which are both the same at the same time and all. I think that's why religious people think of the holy trinity? Idk I'm just guessing - I never researched into that. But yeah it's just my opinion because not many regular people have had an intense ego death 100 times in one night and no one wants to either.
I believe science finds evidence and it can change based on new evidence. People don't have to agree but in society as a social construct, stupidity is to disagree with "science" and it's true. People are more likely "stupid" when they do. Smart people can do stupid things and stupid people can do smart things and what matters is the opinion that someone has on another or vice versa, what people have on themselves and how people fit into society.
The things that happened to us are not our fault. Some are. Others will have the opinion that the things that are, aren't and the ones that aren't, are. Look at the past.. Nothing we can do about that.. We are destined for a destiny (Unless time travel is possible in our lifetimes - But even then, there's still no free will. In our imagination, we're here in time and space so it exists as an idea).
Is this post psychotic.. I hope not. Don't mind me I'm just talking shite lol (That's how I justify what I say). I'm stupid anyways (It's good to say I'm stupid every once and a while but it's hard... Y'know why? Because all my life, people have called me intelligent.. Even my narcissistic step dad that always put me down.. I admit that he did have a high IQ though which is why he was able to manipulate the crap out of everyone).
And when the IQ is very low, it's like tripping.. to a higher consciousness. Autism could be like tripping in a way with high IQ too.. so yeah..