The last 6 months have been an emotional roller coaster for me. With the help of therapy and my psychiatrist, I was able to get stable. Then a few weeks ago, I lost one of my beloved pets (I have no children so he was very dear to my heart) and kind of went off the deep end of depression. I took it out on my beau (totally unfair) and he eventually got tired of it last week,called me on it, said some hurtful things (I know he was also upset by the loss) and next thing I know, I told him to get out and I am calling my mom crying about how awful he is and how I can never forgive him. Why? Only that emotionally fragile Jaymoq will know. I was sad and felt alone and it was not good. I KNOW better than to call friends or family but in that moment, I felt so desperate and who do I call when I feel that way? Momma.

My mom of course rushed in to protector mode and assured me all was well and I was right to call because of course I told her the version of the story that made me seem like the victim. The one where HE was wrong, I was just mourning and he lashed out and its the last straw. Yeah-- it pains me to write this now. Again, not my finest hour.

The dust has settled between beau and I, I have apologized profusely, we both said things we didn't mean during this fight and we want to reconcile. He's been staying at his dad's in another state for the holidays, so in a way it has given him time to visit with him, but CLEARLY not the way it should have happened. We had planned to spend the holidays together.

Now are you ready to add fuel to this fire? Well, when I bought this property I was financially recovering from a divorce at the time so my mom co-signed. And she reminds me often how this is partially her house. She was supposed to sell me her portion when I was able to finance it by myself but she refused. Fast forward to now when I mentioned to her how my beau and I are communicating and how he will be coming home soon after visiting his dad. She replied absolutely not, he will not be coming back to that property after he hurt you. Not right now.

First of all, I feel like an idiot for getting myself in to this. Secondly, legally his name isn't on the deed, her's and mine are. He and I are not married.

I have to respect her as my co-signer but I am trying to appeal to her as my mother. I have explained I overreacted. I tried to discuss my mental health battles (because I don't always share that with her) and I have pleaded to her. I have shared how important he is to me. This feels like high school all over again where I ask "Can I have a boy over?"

I mentioned he has been contributing to the mortgage since moving in and she told me she'll refund him. It's a standoff and my beau is on the firing line and I'm in these cross hairs trying to fix it.

My beau has been off work for the school holidays as he works for a school, but come next week he is due back. He's naturally ticked (and rightfully so), my mom is drawing a line in the sand and I am embarrassed and know I acted like a child and I reap what I sow, but I so badly want to fix this and I don't know how. I thought about seeing if my mom would sell to me again, but I feel like that would only send her off the deep end. I don't want this to become a legal battle. I had hoped this would blow over. I know I am an adult and I can decide who I do or don't date, but I made the choice to involve my mom (a regrettable decision) and I don't want this to get worse. What am I afraid of? Why can't he just come back and I tell her tough? I don't know. She alluded to calling the sheriff and saying he is trespassing and threatened me. Legally that's not going to hold up but do I want my poor beau to be questioned by the sheriff? I would rather avoid that.

I hope I can continue to appeal to her during this week. Beau is supposed to be coming back to town this weekend and I feel caught in the middle of chaos of my own doing.