I don't know what kind of replies you're looking for exactly, but just some thoughts I have. You say you self harm, but do you think the masochistic interest comes from the same place?

I don't know the background for your self harm, but it is a very self destructive behaviour that is usually connected to some mental illness. There are so many reasons to do it, but many people do it because they don't like themselves, they think they deserve it, or that they don't deserve help. It can be a way to channel out anger and direct it at yourself, when in reality it should be directed at someone else. Either way, it's a very unhealthy coping mechanism. And there are lots of ways to do it. It can be cutting or burning, alcohol or drug abuse, banging you head in the wall, or you can seek out harm from others for instance by picking fights or engaging with people who abuse you physically, sexually, psychologically or otherwise.

People can be masochistic and completely healthy, which is fine, but if you think it's something you're attracted to because of your low self esteem or past traumas, you are at a very high risk of retraumatizing yourself. I know cause I have that inclination myself. I sometimes initiate or consent to sexual activities I feel like I want, then afterwards I have panic attacks and cry. I'm in a very safe and stable relationship to a very supportive husband, but my therapist still thinks I keep retraumatizing myself this way. (I self harm too, btw.)

I know some people who have experienced sexual traumas, who engage in masochism and feel like they take control of their anxieties that way, and regain control. But I think you should be extremely self aware to do that safely.

It may be that this doesn't have anything to do with any trauma for you, and that doing it will be just fine. But I think that since you're so young, you self harm, you have anxiety and self esteem issues, you should consider it very carefully before deciding if this is something you want to try out or not. Don't rush into anything. And above all, make sure you're safe.