Masochism and stuff...

17 y/o female here. I hope this is the right place to talk about this. I've talked about this in the Teens' Lounge as well, but I think this might be a more appropriate place.

I think I have masochistic personality disorder? It's entirely self-diagnosed, but I do have reason to believe so.



I don't know how healthy all of this is, and I guess I'd just like some clarity. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Have a good day

Thanks for posting your concern here in the Sexual and Gender Issues forum. I had hoped other PC members who have some knowledge & / or experience with BDSM would reply. However since that has yet to occur I thought I would at least offer my thoughts.

Perhaps other PC members will yet see your post & reply. Sometimes the reason a particular thread does not receive a reply is that the right members have just not seen the post. However the other possibility that occurs to me here is your age. BDSM is what is typically referred to as a "kink". (Perhaps you already know that.) And kinks are generally considered to be appropriate subject matter for people who are 18 years of age & older. There are forum websites dedicated to different types of kinks. But any of them I'm familiar with are age restricted.

I went back & re-read all 3 of your posts on this subject. And I'm not exactly sure what you were looking for in terms of an reply. (Perhaps you weren't either?) You wrote, in one of your posts, that some clarity wouldn't hurt. Kinks are actually more common than most people would imagine according to sex therapist Robert Weiss. And BDSM is just one of many. As I understand it, there has not been much research that has been done in the areas of kinks (as well as fetishes which is a related subject) because in general they are not considered to be problematic in-&-of themselves. As long as a person is able to indulge their kink (or fetish) in a safe (& legal) way it's simply their own business & no one else's.

Where a kink (or a fetish) can become problematic is if it causes the person who has it to develop significant levels of anxiety, guilt & shame over having it. And in that case the services of a mental health therapist may be needed to help the individual come to terms with their kink (or fetish). (I do see that you list yourself as being in India. And I don't know what kinds of social pressures you may face there that might cause difficulties with your BDSM interests.) I was glad to read, however, that you've been going to a therapist for the last 4-5 months.

At age 17, I presume it is possible your BDSM interests may fade over time. Perhaps they're simply a part of the normal types of sexual exploration & fantasizing we all go through during our teenage years. But it's also possible, I would presume, that BDSM is something that will continue to be of interest to you more-or-less permanently. And, in that case, once you've turned 18 your interest may be one you'll want to explore further. It is important though to do so carefully since BSDM can be, I believe, a kink that can put one into some potentially dangerous situations if one is not cautious.

Anyway... these are my thoughts with regard to your posts. We here on PC cannot offer mental health diagnoses. Plus I'm not a mental health professional. So I really can't comment on the possibility of you being diagnosable as having masochistic personality disorder. That would be something you would need to discuss with your therapist. My best wishes to you...

I don't know what kind of replies you're looking for exactly, but just some thoughts I have. You say you self harm, but do you think the masochistic interest comes from the same place?

I don't know the background for your self harm, but it is a very self destructive behaviour that is usually connected to some mental illness. There are so many reasons to do it, but many people do it because they don't like themselves, they think they deserve it, or that they don't deserve help. It can be a way to channel out anger and direct it at yourself, when in reality it should be directed at someone else. Either way, it's a very unhealthy coping mechanism. And there are lots of ways to do it. It can be cutting or burning, alcohol or drug abuse, banging you head in the wall, or you can seek out harm from others for instance by picking fights or engaging with people who abuse you physically, sexually, psychologically or otherwise.

People can be masochistic and completely healthy, which is fine, but if you think it's something you're attracted to because of your low self esteem or past traumas, you are at a very high risk of retraumatizing yourself. I know cause I have that inclination myself. I sometimes initiate or consent to sexual activities I feel like I want, then afterwards I have panic attacks and cry. I'm in a very safe and stable relationship to a very supportive husband, but my therapist still thinks I keep retraumatizing myself this way. (I self harm too, btw.)

I know some people who have experienced sexual traumas, who engage in masochism and feel like they take control of their anxieties that way, and regain control. But I think you should be extremely self aware to do that safely.

It may be that this doesn't have anything to do with any trauma for you, and that doing it will be just fine. But I think that since you're so young, you self harm, you have anxiety and self esteem issues, you should consider it very carefully before deciding if this is something you want to try out or not. Don't rush into anything. And above all, make sure you're safe.