Thank you fern. Your post made me cry, it is so hard to be nice to myself at the best of times, when I am like this it feels close to impossible, but it sounds so comforting that I can choose to change those self defeating thoughts. It is just easier said than done in the moment. If I can do it, I can turn this around. I just dont have much hope right now.

Sarah I have done rehab last summer, I dont need medical detox though. I tried to get into a dual diagnosis IP dbt program last year but they turned me down because I was too unstable and actively drinking.