Hello Me: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. Welcome to Psych Central. One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Coping with Emotions forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

You didn't mention if you're receiving any professional mental health services. Hopefully you are. Suicidal thoughts are nothing to mess around with alone. Here are links to 10 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:

Suicidal? Don't Throw Away Your Shot

Suicidal? What Van Gogh's Life Can Teach You

When You Feel Absolutely Awful About Yourself—Regularly

How to Stop Punishing Yourself

https://psychcentral.com/blog/breaki...ds-of-badness/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/a-tech...nful-feelings/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...-and-helpless/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/8-step...yourself-more/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...ing-mechanism/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to...idal-thoughts/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.