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Apr 18, 2020, 04:54 AM
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Member Since: Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,008
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Welcome @Sad Baphomet
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Originally Posted by Sad Baphomet
I'm so anxious right from the time I wake up that I have to immediately have diarrhea. I went to the family doctor, they told me if it was anxiety, it wouldn't happen EVERY day... I tried to explain that I get anxious just waking up and knowing I have to live another day.
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Beyond the medications you mentioned have you ever been prescribed something specifically for anxiety? Even a benzo? There are also non-benzo meds like vistaril.
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My mom tells me all the time that I need to get a job. I've already been arrested for child support once, grandparents paid the backed off to keep me out of prison and mom's been paying it monthly ever since (so age 21-present). So I get why she wants me to get a job, I understand it perfectly, I'd feel the same way in her shoes, that's 200/month that she shouldn't HAVE to give up, especially when it's already difficult to pay all the bills and take care of a 27 year old child, as well as a 20 year old child..
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A 27 and 20 year old is not a child. How long had you been without a job and not paying before your current job?
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People calling my phone and screaming at me, accusing me of being a democrat, accusing me of loving hitler.... And THAT is the most peace I get day to day now. The rest of the day I'm just a tense ball of stress and anxiety and self-hatred.
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What do you mean by this? Are you saying this happens at work? What is the context?
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If I'm not allowed to see my kid, I'm not going to give her child support to spend on booze and ****... Until about a week after my 21st birthday, at 5k backed, they charged me with felony non-support and my grandparents had to pay the 5k off to avoid me going to prison for 7 years, and my mom's paid it since, the one or two times she's forgot and paid it late, I received a letter threatening to press charges again.
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How long did you go without paying child support? Did you go back to court and tell them your income changed to get it reduced?
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And then I got that felony non-support charge. And the stress built up. Like I said, I was looking at 7 years in prison. It was VERY stressful. I was at the time self-medicating with pot. And I had to stop, because even after that 5k was paid off, I had 2.5 years of probation where I was not allowed to drink, not allowed to smoke pot, and if I was caught doing any of that or breaking any other law, my probation would be provoked and I'd go to prison for 7 years.
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I can see how she might be upset if you had money for pot but not for child support.
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And after all this time, I'm also scared that I'm too selfish now, I enjoy my alone time too much... It's hard to give up 3-4 hours/week to my best and only friend... I can't even imagine how much time I'd have to give up for a girlfriend. I'm honestly just not even interested in it anymore... Sometimes I'll start feeling lonely, but it usually only lasts a day until I start thinking about how much I'd have to give up to include another person in my day to day life and that pretty well stops the feeling of lonliness.
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But what about your child?
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Even now with the job I have, I'm barely going to be able to afford child support, let alone a psychiatrist. I can't get on disability because I'm not diagnosed with anything. I went to the family welfare department and explained I need help paying the bills in order to get diagnosed, they told me no diagnosis, no help. So it's like I don't even have anywhere to turn to get better, it's like I don't have a choice. I feel like my only option is to feel worse and worse until I eventually feel so bad that I can't go on anymore and I end it.
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How long have you been working now? Are you saying you are trying to get on disability but cant afford the medical care and mental health treatment that would make you eligible? What kind of diagnosis do you think you need?
How does your child play into all of this?
__________________
"I carried a watermelon?"
President of the no F's given society.
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