Because everything anyone here or my hubby suggests I have some reason or another why I can't do that. (unfixable) and hopeless because I'm trying every single day and most days it really isn't enough according to my husband. Last night and this morning, I just couldn't think of any reason why I should keep trying. Oddly enough, the fact that some folks told me I was fine and good and special just the way I am, gave me the self esteem boost to try again. I have a deep fear of failure, but when I feel a little better, I can start to stop giving so much of a crap. Still, it always bugs me when I get the criticism. And I feel hopeless because that will never likely stop. (hubby is the way he is and probably shouldn't change either (??) )

So, i kinda think it's true! i mean, if I can't do x, y, or z (and a-w) to move forward, then how am I to move forward?? :/

I can remember feeling this way before, struggling to get out of bed/feeling stuck (brainfog) and the mood, but I've never been without some hope...but I got a tiny bit of hope this afternoon, so I guess I'm feeling a little better...probably just enough time to recover until the next disappointment (grrr!!! stop negative thinking, giddy!!)

yeah, um last time I felt this way was when I was abandoned by a group of friends and I had no sympathy from my husband. This wasn't the case last night (although I am missing a couple people), but this morning when I tried to suggest hubby could try to make me feel better (hoping for a hug) he just said "I can't help you if i don't knot what the problem is...and if it's anything to do with the forum, i don't want to have anything to do with it". Truth is, he is the problem. And i feel he SHOULD support me and my forum interests if he truly cares for me as a person. I'm used to making excuses for the things he says like maybe he doesn't mean it in the truly negative sense that I take it, but IMO, he says some really hurtful things. Like he is constantly trying to correct me, but if I say something to correct him, we just end up in an argument and he tells me to be quiet...I suppose I've been learning this behavior myself and tell him that now when he lectures me. Not healthy, i know, but I don't think it's fair that I have to sit and take it when he won't give me a listen when I treat him the same way. :/ I don't know what else to do! I can't tell if he doesn't get how much it bothers me and is actually more harmful than helpful, or if he just doesn't care. And my fear is that it is the latter. But if that's the case, I'm still stuck because he provides me food, shelter, ..you know, all the essentials for survival, which i can't do on my own...and i highly doubt there is anyone else who will put up with me, nor do i want them to have to! I guess this is just my challenge I've been given in my life and as of this afternoon, i have been reminded that i need to keep fighting for sanity, but just some days (or nights) feel almost unbearable! bleh!