Thanks everybody for your replies. They're all very much appreciated.

I don't think my problems are med related. I haven't been on meds since August. There's a very long, very complicated story why that is. And it's not because I don't want to be on meds, because I do.

I just recently turned 52. I haven't had any psychotic episodes but I've had hypomanic episodes since no later than 7. Before that I have no clue. I'm a rapid cycler so I cycle 4 to 6 times a year, and I've had a hypomanic episode each time. By those numbers I've had a minimum of 180 to 270 episodes in my life. Is that even possible? I'm sure that explains it unfortunately.