My memory problems are extremely painful

I really need to unload right now. Before I went into the hospital, for the first time when I was 24 I had an excellent memory.

In 9th grade every week we were given a list of 20 words that we had to look up in the dictionary and write down the definition in our own words. On Monday the teacher would tell us the words in random order and we had to spell them. I never did the homework in English or Social Studies. I couldn't be bothered. So just before class I'd memorize all 20 words, just the spellings. I rarely got below an 80 on the test.

These days my memory is fair at best. Unless something really sticks wth me, if I don't write it down and read it at least 3 times odds are when you tell me it again 2 weeks later it will be like you never told me it before.

That loss would be tough enough. Although my self-esteem is good these days there are still a few old messages that I'm having trouble replacing. My girlfriend has been helping me with them but sometimes it's still tough.

I was always an excellent student in school, when I wanted to be. I did so well in my College English class my senior year that the college I was accepted to (I never got to go) sent me a letter saying I could skip the regular freshman english class and take the next one in line instead. Heck, I understand how the 10 dimensional universe is thought to work. School told me that because I was very smart I had to hold myself to higher standards than most people. "Don't use slang. That's too common. You're much better than that." I'm sure everybody was told that but I was told to talk like I ate Stephen Hawking's work dictionary every day for breakfast.

I know this sounds incredibly... snobbish? Stuck up? OK, we all know the word I mean here. Essentially I was told i was too smart to have memory problems. Well I do. There's nothing wrong with it. It's common with people with mental illnesses. But according to what I was told I'm not supposed to have a mental illness either. But I got past that and I'm trying to get past this too.

Really quickly because it doesn't really belong here. You know what we nerds (me), geeks, and dweebs went through in school. But we don't talk about the fact that it wasn't our idea to excel in school. Our teachers forced us to live up to those expectations.

Dear oldbutwise,

You have lived a very interesting life. And your insights into the things you mention are so appropriate for someone whose screen name is "oldbutwise." Aging doesn't automatically bring wisdom although it seems to nudge people in that direction. I am so sorry that you are having problems with your memory. That must be really distressing. I think there is truth in what you say about how the expectations of others are often behind young people's drive to excel in school. Best to you!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

I have fairly extreme memory issues that I'm quite sure are due to decades of medication. Are your memory issues med-related?

How old are you now? How many manic and/or psychotic episodes would you say you have had in your life?

I designed lasers for a living. Does not get any dweebier than that...

Do you think your memory issues are med related?

Hugs and respect

Thanks everybody for your replies. They're all very much appreciated.

I don't think my problems are med related. I haven't been on meds since August. There's a very long, very complicated story why that is. And it's not because I don't want to be on meds, because I do.

I just recently turned 52. I haven't had any psychotic episodes but I've had hypomanic episodes since no later than 7. Before that I have no clue. I'm a rapid cycler so I cycle 4 to 6 times a year, and I've had a hypomanic episode each time. By those numbers I've had a minimum of 180 to 270 episodes in my life. Is that even possible? I'm sure that explains it unfortunately.

With this illness, anything is possible. No frank mania--just hypo?

That is a ton of episodes. It si certainly conceivable that that many hours hyperstimulated could result in some hippocampus and prefrontal memory-type issues, in my opinion. But as others state, the issue always arises as to what is illness-related and what is med-related. I have no clue how to address that scientifically without followign closely a large group of patients on no meds, which is never going to happen.

My memory is just shot, short-term, anyway. Long-term is pretty solid, still.

Are you doing any memory exercises or work? It has been shown to help.

My memory dropped 20 IQ points relative to the rest of my IQ .....that’s kind of a lot....some memory was fine like looking at pics and remembering what I saw but working memory was horrible. This impacts so many things....I lost my job because of this . Thing is my doctor found a solution....fish oil. Sounds like a total quack cure but it activates bdnf in the brain . If you can’t tolerate fish oil, there is algae omega 3 which is what I take. It takes about a month to kick in but I’m back in school getting a masters with a 4.0 right now. This is after being told I couldn’t be more than a technician in my former field after having a PhD.