Teenagers are a challenge in general. But with COVID and their "parental figures" separated, just adds more stress to their already hormonal lives. Teenagers thrive when they have consistency from the adults in their lives.

Have you and your husband (never married) considered doing family therapy together? To help ease everyone through this major life transition? Easier said than done, with COVID.

I think family therapists are doing tele-visits with families (via video), so your husband could join from his house and your kids could join from your house or his house via one computer together for the session.

See if your family is open to family therapy. It doesn't have to be permanent and it can be really helpful to have a therapist mediate and explain everything to your teenagers.

Teenagers tend not to want to listen to their parents, and maybe they'd listen to the family therapist. Can you and your husband be team players and be consistent and supportive of each other, despite being in separate households?

If your teenagers see that their parents support each other despite living apart, they will be more willing to respect you and your husband and give you each a chance.

So, if you and your husband are battling each other over petty differences, that will only create a wider divide between you and your teenagers and your husband. And no one will get their emotional needs met that way.

I understand why you feel like you failed. Try not to frame it that way even though it feels like you should. Try to reframe your situation as, "My relationship with x didn't work out. So, everything has shifted. Now, changes are happening. I know I need help with these changes." etc. etc.

And, you can change your home environment to make it more interactive and inviting for your teenagers but that can happen in stages. It's about reframing the associations your teenagers make when they come to your place with just you there. You need to create new associations for your teenagers that show you to be a fun, engaging, positive influence where your teenagers can feel welcome, safe, and comfortable instead of how they feel now. But it will take some creativity and flexibility on your part and consistency.