Hello ARC: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central.  I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support for you. 
One additional forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Coping with Emotions forum. Here's a link:
https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/
And then here are links to 7 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help:
Complicated Grief: How to Get Unstuck
Grief and Loss Quiz
How to Sit with Painful Emotions
Several Ways to Sit with Your Feelings
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/weigh...-with-sadness/
https://psychcentral.com/blog/unders...al-flashbacks/
https://blogs.psychcentral.com/imper...tional-wounds/
I hope you find PC to be of benefit. 
__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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