You're absolutely right and I appreciate you bringing this up. Luckily this is my day off, but if it hadn't been I'd probably be working (if I hadn't seen your reply first). I didn't have it in me to see that. I just thought, I have to do better. But in the condition I was in yesterday, it was impossible to do better and I lacked the insight to make that decision to not work.

To update, like I said before, I took a klonopin yesterday early afternoon and it relaxed me somewhat but didn't put me to sleep, which it always does.

I had a very difficult day. I was ill. I have been ill.

At around 7:30, I took the 10mg of Zyprexa along with my other night meds and it took some 5 hours for me to get to sleep after that!! My pdoc had said the Zyprexa would put me to sleep! Eventually it did, but those were scary hours, I was afraid I wouldn't sleep at all.

And I was able to sleep in.

I haven't been up for long, but so far so good. I don't feel hyper or antsy, etc., etc. My feelings these last weeks have tended to ramp up as the day has gone on, culminating in horrific evenings and nights. But as I say, so far so good.

I think this has definitely been a mixed episode.

I'll see how I feel the rest of the day. If my mood and behavior go downhill again, I'll not work tomorrow. Though I hate to tell them at the last minute, they might not be able to get coverage. I think I might tell them I can't work now, just in case.

I hope things don't get worse again. I see my pdoc tomorrow.

Thanks again.