I struggled mightily with video sessions, too. While other people talked about getting used to things on-line, I felt like it just got worse and worse for me as the week/months went on. He became "less real" all the time, until he didn't seem like himself at all. I even tried a new therapist for four sessions, a therapist who was still seeing people in person with precautions. But I didn't click with the new therapist. So we (old T and I) talked about it quite a bit and experimented and I was able to turn the corner. I will never find video sessions the same as in-person, but they became doable. Here are some things I/we did:

• I brought home a couple of things from his office (a disc of wood that I often held in session, a mug I usually used, and we each brought home a stuffed animal). If I'm not feeling connected, I'll sit with the stuffed animal and he will show me where his is (it's the same animal, so they feel connected even if we're not).
  
• I cleared time before and after therapy - at first 30 minutes, just to get the space so it felt right and to clear my mind or daily/home stuff; then 15 minutes, now 5. I would do a little yoga, use essential oils, and "clear and protect" the space. I picked the "safest" place in my house, and it's my special space. I always have the wooden disk next to me, and the mug (filled with coffee or tea).
  
• My entire family is under strict instructions to stay out of the upstairs when I have therapy. If I can hear anyone upstairs near me, it kicks me out of the therapy mindset.
  
• I had asked him in advance if I could see his space (home office), and in our first session, he briefly swiveled his computer so I could see the room. It didn't feel like enough, so I asked him in the next session if he'd do it again, but slower. He picked his computer up and walked it to every wall, every corner of the room. He showed me the pictures on his wall, the books on his bookshelf, the chair he sat on, the door, even the rug (since in his office I often stare at the rug). He walked me to the window and we looked out together, he noted it was garbage day, he told me how many kids live on the block.
  
• One thing I don't like about video therapy is, when I look away, it's like he disappears. In the room, I rarely look at him, but can still feel his presence with me. So I try to look at him more in the video than in real life, but when things get intense, I still have to look away. And then I lose him. So I printed a picture of him from his website and have it sitting on the floor next to me. Then when I look away, I can still glance at the photo (less intense than the live version) and he's still in the room in a fashion. (I told him I was doing this.)
  
• We talked extensively about how we needed to create a "new safe space" and we brainstormed ideas for that. We used the metaphor of having both of us been plunked down in uncharted territory, and first we had to find each other, and then we had to build a new safe space. I sent him a couple of photos of the wilderness and he sent me one of a little therapy cabin under constructions and we use that metaphor. Sometimes he'll ask "where are you now" and I'll send him a picture (e.g., on a treacherous mountain path, or on a rickety rope bridge) and then it's easier for him to "find" me. We have a few photos of lookout towers and he even keeps a pair of binoculars near his desk and will show me them as evidence that he's looking for me. I also sent him pictures of safe places (usually the interior or exterior of little cabins) and sometimes we'll both pull up the same photo on our computers so it feels like we're together in the same space.
  
• I sent him a little present (cleared it with him in advance) that has several parts (and I kept one part and sent him the rest, stating that they would be reunited when we resumed in-person therapy). That one nearly backfired, because the post office was supposed to forward his mail from his office to his house, but instead sent it back to me. I had a meltdown about that, told him I can't even reach him through a third party, it's like we're not even in the same universe anymore. He was kind and made a plan for getting it to him (I dropped it off at his office when he was there picking up mail, so I got to see him--with precautions--for a few minutes. I'd previously asked if we could have just one session outdoors, socially distant, only one, put on one the calendar for a month or two in the future so I knew I'd see him again, and he'd said no, so I appreciated that he was flexible in finding a solution for this.)
  
• We've had a few conversations about the fact that he's more distractable on-line than in person, and if he looks away and his attention gets caught by something, I can't tell what it is and I sometimes feel like someone else is in the room, or he's not paying attention or something. We've both become more transparent about these things--he'll tell me if he's feeling particularly restless or tired today, he'll ask if I mind if he does the session standing up, I'll tell him I feel like someone else is in the room and he'll show me there's not, we'll talk about how and why I'm so sensitive to his energy and body language (hypervigilance). So we just name what's going on and do therapy around it. We talk about how hard teletherapy is for the hypervigilant, because I have so much less information to go on. In a way, I've had to trust him more to continue to do therapy, and that has strengthened our relationship.

There might be more things we tried or that I experimented with, but these are the main ones.