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Originally Posted by chihirochild
See, I would totally agree with that *if* Dr. T were skilled in working with dependency and attachment and transference. I worry that LT "working on" those things with Dr. T will not be productive since he tends to be dismissive (and, IMHO, not super skillfull) when he encounters those issues.
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Yes, this is what I worry about, too.
Of course, I just caved and asked if I could in fact still have 30 minutes today, because I'm just sitting here crying while attempting to get work done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chihirochild
I wonder if LT might feel ambivalent about that herself? I would feel ambivalent in her position--I'd like the need-accommodating because of the closeness and the feeling like Dr. T was making an exception for me because he cares... but I'd also be afraid of the need-accomodating because I'd know that it's important for therapists to hold boundaries, keep a consistent frame, let us practice distress tolerance when we can't get what we need from the therapeutic relationship.
What say you, LT?
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I definitely have some ambivalence going on. Some of what he was doing was making me feel special and, yes, like he truly cares, maybe about me as a person rather than just a client. But, then, OK, I briefly feel special, then he mentions that he might be confusing me with another client, and it sort of comes crashing down. And then it's like I feel worse, because I had the illusion of being special for a bit.
and like you said, if he accommodates my needs, then I don't need to work on distress tolerance so much. But then he also seems critical of me for not working on distress tolerance more... I feel like he helped create this dependence in some ways. (Sort of like how ex-MC did, too--in his case, allowing (free) phone calls, plus texts and emails.) The other problem is, then I get used to it, so, if one time he doesn't give me something (replying the the email about the doctor's--which led to the text), then it hurts or feels like a rejection. Where if he holds consistent boundaries, then it would be easier for me. And he *was* fairly consistent in the beginning, which made him feel safer than ex-MC.
Now he seems much less safe. And now I feel rejected and have the instinct to run away...which maybe is the right instinct. But I still need to talk to him about it first.