first male I lived with beat the living crap out of me, second male treated me kindly and fair (no sex involved , plutonic, third, my hubby happy, ups and downs , after he passes I will be happy to live alone, my choice, if I can't have hubby no one else will do, you make your choices, you make your life, it's up me how I want to be happy IMHO, I have invested alot in our relationship and it worked out for the best