My self-esteem sucks, too. Unfortunately I hate myself too much to believe I deserve better, so there's a nice catch-22 for you. I find that all of the psychological self-help techniques don't really work if you genuinely hate yourself because they all require a degree of self-compassion to get started, which I don't have. I honestly don't know if it's even possible to have self-compassion when you've been raised all your childhood to hate yourself. At some point it just gets too deeply ingrained into who you are. Sorry for being so negative, I hope you have better luck at it.