I am swirling with conflicting emotions.

My ex fiance's death was so very tragic and devastating news to me last week. Then I received a phenomenal job offer that raised my salary by 30K, and I am off the wall excited and ecstatic. All in the same week.

I am also going through a most painful and difficult divorce from my abusive NPD husband. It's been most excruciating, full with conflicted and competing emotions. I love him and I hate him. I despise him and I don't want him, but I miss him and I miss our sexual life.

How do we hold such conflicting emotions at the same time and stay upright? How can I still really like and appreciate my husband in some ways and then hate and despise him in other ways?

Perhaps I used to be very black and white in my thinking. Perhaps I still am and that's why it's hard for me to have these competing and mixed feelings? I don't know.

It's pretty crazy.