Holding conflicting emotions simultaneously

I am swirling with conflicting emotions.

My ex fiance's death was so very tragic and devastating news to me last week. Then I received a phenomenal job offer that raised my salary by 30K, and I am off the wall excited and ecstatic. All in the same week.

I am also going through a most painful and difficult divorce from my abusive NPD husband. It's been most excruciating, full with conflicted and competing emotions. I love him and I hate him. I despise him and I don't want him, but I miss him and I miss our sexual life.

How do we hold such conflicting emotions at the same time and stay upright? How can I still really like and appreciate my husband in some ways and then hate and despise him in other ways?

Perhaps I used to be very black and white in my thinking. Perhaps I still am and that's why it's hard for me to have these competing and mixed feelings? I don't know.

It's pretty crazy.

So Sorry for your Loss and i hear your struggles! Some emotions can be apparentely contradictory and it can certainly get confusing! It is probably important to acknowledge them for what they are so that we can better move forward in Life! Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Have Hope, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Such wisdom, @MickeyCheeky! Thank you!