So Sorry that things are being so hard! Yes, it can be hard for other people to understand our struggles especially if we look fine on the outside. Are you currently in treatment of some kind? Sometimes it takes a long time before things get Better but that doesn't mean that it won't happen necessarely. Please do reach out for support either to a professional or people IRL whom you truly Trust. You are a REALLY strong person in my opinion and i am not the only one to believe this probably. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @clydeblack, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!