So Sorry you're feeling like this. i can relate to part of what you're saying, especially not really wanting to do anything with my Life. Are you currently visiting a therapist to help you sort through your thoughts? Please do not give up as thinga can change and i think you can absolutely get out of this. Just take things one step at the time, i know it's hard to do but give it a try. We are here if you need to talk, i am also available through pm and perhaps others if you just ask. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Mion, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!