My brain is my enemy

I have fallen so deep into depression that I don't want to do anything in life. I am afraid to kill myself, but living every day is difficult. I had many ideas on what to do, how to enjoy life, some very inspirational to me, motivation lingers for a short time and disappears every time. I'm out of ideas. And it's funny. My brain is my worst enemy, it gives me hope and then strips it away. I've been on L-Theanine for several weeks, it helps to focus and concentrate, lately it stopped giving those effects. I feel drained of serotonin. I am very alone, I have no family that accepts me as I am. I'm 29 years old, physically fit, I'm on a vegan diet and keep my weight 50kg, do yoga, don't drink or smoke. I've seen so many motivational vids on youtube and none of them helped me, I think they don't even know what depression really is. I thought I could be on my own, but I can't. I see no point in waking up, going to the store for food is energy consuming, I want to sleep all the time and just stop existing, then again I think I was born for something great to make a change in the world.

Hi, I have those days and I can identify with you. Its a battle of wills, faith, hope and one second at a time. I know it is not easy when all your strength is sued to just get out of bed.

I know that feeling well, I often just wonder why my brain won't leave me alone sometimes. I'll be thinking today is going well feeling confident and then boom a flood of intrusive thoughts in my mind destroys the rest of the day for me.

So Sorry you're feeling like this. i can relate to part of what you're saying, especially not really wanting to do anything with my Life. Are you currently visiting a therapist to help you sort through your thoughts? Please do not give up as thinga can change and i think you can absolutely get out of this. Just take things one step at the time, i know it's hard to do but give it a try. We are here if you need to talk, i am also available through pm and perhaps others if you just ask. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Mion, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Thank you saying something.
In all my life I've seen 2 therapists and none of them look involved into my story.
I see no point in seeing another. They look like crooks to me. If I tell what I'm truly thinking I'd be locked up and it will look bad on my medical record. They write everything in that book, I need it clean in case I decide to buy a gun to feel protected.
You really mean it that you're available through pm or just saying so? No hard feelings if you're just playing nice^_^

I'm glad I'm not the only one who has these thoughts.
I think some evil entities are involved, I read about it in one book. They harvest our good energy making us depressed and empty, and then when we feel we can't take it anymore, those entities give us some energy to stay alive to continue these cycles of harvest. This is happening to me all my life, my brain produced so much serotonin and then it collapsed, it got harvested recently. I feel like my energy is starting to build up again. Slowly.
"Demons among humans" by Aslan Dzitiev. It really explains in a down to earth way, there's no religion or demonology, but why we feel this way.

Hi, thanks for putting in a word.
Sleep is like a gateway to escape, right? Why get up, like what's the point...