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Mar 15, 2021, 06:28 AM
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Member Since: Nov 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 174
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@ Soupe du jour - “Unfortunately, sometimes we are vulnerable no matter how hard we try. But it is the bouncing back that shows the greatest strength (or even revenge) sometimes.”
Thank you so much for your post. I honestly love reading anything you have to say. I can tell by your writing that you are grounded and had a good upbringing. Thank you for sharing details about your brother and I especially loved the last 2 things you wrote. This is so true!!!! I was in a physically abusive relationship when I was 18. I think I stayed because when I was young my parents divorce traumatized me. My dad was the parent who read to me, played with us, introduced me into photography, and never judged me. To this day he misread the signs of my first episode last year because he has always praised me unconditionally. See he was abused severely as a child and he made a conscious effort to love us no matter what. He spanked me 1 time and the rest of the time he only spoke to me in a soft voice and redirected my behavior. I could be anything or do anything because of my dad. It was like I had super powers around him.... then when he left I was stuck with my mom. She was the opposite. She yelled, screamed, and was super strict. She NEVER did that before the divorce. See I think that’s the first time I was introduced to her mania. My dad had no clue my mom was sick. He just kept bringing his clothes back into the house every time she threw them out. He finally stopped coming back when she got pregnant.... with another mans baby. He thought my mom didn’t love him anymore.... but it was the illness that took over. My mom didn’t know she was sick either. She was undiagnosed. In my little mind I told myself, “divorce is bad, I will never ever divorce.” We were also religious growing up so I knew sex was only for marriage.... so when the first guy treated me nice after I was 18 and moved out.... I fell for him. He had red flags of abuse but I didn’t know them because I had never been physically abused before. He never hurt me until after we had sex and at that point I thought I was stuck.... I had to stay with him.... there is so much more to my story BUT I’m not in a mania right now so I’m going to go drink some coffee, light a candle, and enjoy my morning. In my manic state I can write for hours!!!
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