Abuse question

So I’ve heard that most people with BD have been abused in their past. Is there anyone in here that has BD that was never abused physically, sexually, or mentally when they were young? I’m curious to know if that is always a factor with BD.

My mom was physically, mentally, and sexually.

I was sexually and physically when I was 18.

It's horrible how many people say they've been abused in such ways. I'm sorry for what you experienced. NaoSky.

I was not abused in any way by my parents. Both of my parents were loving, but not perfect people. Who is? I was also fortunate to have never been a victim of any kind of significant abuse by anyone else.I did experience being bullied a bit in middle school. That was surely unpleasant, but I wouldn't call that lastingly traumatic in any way. The greatest traumas I experienced were related to my having to quit ballet as a teen (long story), bereavement, and from situations arising as a result of severe bipolar episodes (sometimes triggered by bereavement). I'd say the ballet situation was what fully sparked my first major episodes, and even that included bereavement.

As a teen, I did have an adult man attempt to sexually abuse me, but I wouldn't call that traumatic. I fortunately avoided the situation when I saw it developing. I've always managed to avoid physical type abuse. Definitely luck to a large degree, determination to another. I'd actually give a bit of the credit to my parents for the latter.

The above is just how I saw the situations for myself.

My husband always jokes about something my brother infamously said, a couple times. Bro would say "If anyone even ATTEMPTS a physical fight with me, they'll soon learn that they CAN'T EVEN TOUCH ME!" The truth is, my brother was "touched" a couple times. Not by anyone sexually or physically, but once psychologically and another time by a near heart attack. After his heart problem was presented, he was scared sh**less. However, he's since bounced back and fights it off and has been quite well since. Unfortunately, sometimes we are vulnerable no matter how hard we try. But it is the bouncing back that shows the greatest strength (or even revenge) sometimes.

So Sorry that you were abused! i don't have bipolar so i can't really answer but yeah i don't think being abused is necessary to develop a bipolar disorder. Sometimes it may be other triggering events or perhaps some other genetic factors, at least from what i have heard so if i am wrong Hopefully other members here will be able to correct me and enlighten others. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @NaoSky, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?! .grouphug:

No, never been abused I'm just an ordinary girl who developed bipolar unfortunately

I was emotionally abused for all of my childhood. My mom projected everything that was wrong in her life onto me, I don't know why. She always saw me as a problem because of that, and made sure I knew that I was a problem. It started out relatively subtle when I was little, with repeated threats to put me in a home/institution, things like that. She always tried to label me with various disorders, and made me go to this group therapy thing for kids with ADHD, even though I don't have ADHD. Later she tried to make me believe I had autism, which I don't have either. Eventually it grew into outright hatred, and during the last years that I lived with my parents I was called a parasite every day and blamed for costing money (food, a roof over my head, and so on). My mom also threatened to kill herself on several occasions and implied that this was my and my siblings' fault. She was a very unstable person. She made it very clear that I wasn't welcome, and I left as soon as I could. FWIW my mom's issues were not due to bipolar disorder. I get that from my dad's side of the family. The bizarre thing is that after I left the house, I managed to get my life together pretty well, and then my mom started trying to claim responsibility for my success and deny that she ever did any of the bad things. Now she expects me to take emotional care of her and blames me for being distant and not wanting a close relationship.

My father is an adult child of an alcoholic, & carries much of the baggage associated with that. My parents were very loving, but I think my father's unfortunate childhood left him with deep emotional scars. He was sometimes volatile, very sarcastic & hyper-critical. I shy away from suggesting that I was emotionally abused, but I think the roots of my anxiety & depression stem, in part, from growing up in that environment. One odd look from him can still make me feel like I'm 6-years-old again, even though I'll be 60 in June.

That stated, I grew up in a very tough neighborhood in Detroit; I'm convinced a "healthy fear" of my father kept me on the straight & narrow. I graduated from high school & college, never had any legal problems, & would like to think I turned out somewhat OK because of him. I guess I take the yin with the yang.

I was severely (and I mean that) and chronically abused throughout my childhood from age 5 until I finally got out of that home at age 18 and got married. Way too long to write about the situation here, but the childhood abuse almost surely causes more problems and issues in my life than bipolar disorder does.

@FluffyDinosaur

Thank you for opening up to me. Your story made me cry. I read a book once called, “A child called IT”. Your story sounds similar but not exact.... the mom in the sorry did horrible things to only 1 of her children. Do you have any siblings? If so, did she treat them the same?

It sounds like you are such a smart person. You realized it was toxic and got out of there, never allowing her to repeat the abuse. Good for you!!! For that I am very proud of you. Many people just repeat the cycle of abuse. So many people in my family have. I’m almost the only one in my family that never repeated the abuse with my daughter. She’s now 22 tomorrow, and the person I trust most!!!

@BethRags

I know what you mean about stories!! I’m serious about writing a book. I think any of us could. I’m sorry you went through that... look at how far you’ve come. In some ways I think the things we go through can make us more resilient in the long run when we discover we have a mental illness... if we can survive abuse, we can survive anything!! ❤️

@buddha1too

Do you think how you were raised has affected the choices you have made during an episode or with coping with BD in general?

Thank you for your post. So if you don’t have BD what do you have?

@Soupe du jour - “Unfortunately, sometimes we are vulnerable no matter how hard we try. But it is the bouncing back that shows the greatest strength (or even revenge) sometimes.”

Thank you so much for your post. I honestly love reading anything you have to say. I can tell by your writing that you are grounded and had a good upbringing. Thank you for sharing details about your brother and I especially loved the last 2 things you wrote. This is so true!!!! I was in a physically abusive relationship when I was 18. I think I stayed because when I was young my parents divorce traumatized me. My dad was the parent who read to me, played with us, introduced me into photography, and never judged me. To this day he misread the signs of my first episode last year because he has always praised me unconditionally. See he was abused severely as a child and he made a conscious effort to love us no matter what. He spanked me 1 time and the rest of the time he only spoke to me in a soft voice and redirected my behavior. I could be anything or do anything because of my dad. It was like I had super powers around him.... then when he left I was stuck with my mom. She was the opposite. She yelled, screamed, and was super strict. She NEVER did that before the divorce. See I think that’s the first time I was introduced to her mania. My dad had no clue my mom was sick. He just kept bringing his clothes back into the house every time she threw them out. He finally stopped coming back when she got pregnant.... with another mans baby. He thought my mom didn’t love him anymore.... but it was the illness that took over. My mom didn’t know she was sick either. She was undiagnosed. In my little mind I told myself, “divorce is bad, I will never ever divorce.” We were also religious growing up so I knew sex was only for marriage.... so when the first guy treated me nice after I was 18 and moved out.... I fell for him. He had red flags of abuse but I didn’t know them because I had never been physically abused before. He never hurt me until after we had sex and at that point I thought I was stuck.... I had to stay with him.... there is so much more to my story BUT I’m not in a mania right now so I’m going to go drink some coffee, light a candle, and enjoy my morning. In my manic state I can write for hours!!!

Thanks for your reply! I'm really glad to hear that you have been able to break the cycle of abuse with your daughter. That's something to be proud of.

I will have to look into that book. I haven't read it but the title does sound quite apt. I have a younger sister and brother, but they were treated differently from me. We each had our own "roles" that my mom assigned to us. I was the black sheep, my sister was supposed to be my mom's "caretaker" and my brother was like her pet that she cuddled and projected all her love onto.

In the last few years that I lived with my mom my brother and sister actually joined in with her hatred of me, but I don't blame them for that. They were young and just got caught up in my mom's madness. Besides, I think being forced into the role of "caretaker" or "pet" wasn't very healthy for them, either.

Wow! That's a loaded question. I'll be 60 in June. Back in the day, one didn't seek psychiatric help if one was true working class. The macho culture was very strong where I grew up, & my father kind of reinforced that with his, "Do you want me to give you something to really cry about?" attitude. Looking back at old report cards & college transcripts, the BD is readily apparent. A semester or two of straight 4.0's...followed by semesters of incompletes, or worse. I was all over the board, but my father attributed my lapses to laziness. It wasn't until I was commited to one of the old state hospitals in my early-20s that I was diagnosed & medicated. How much was the times I grew up in, versus the home environment I lived in ? They both contributed, IMO.

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Originally Posted by buddha1too Wow! That's a loaded question. I'll be 60 in June. Back in the day, one didn't seek psychiatric help if one was true working class. The macho culture was very strong where I grew up, & my father kind of reinforced that with his, "Do you want me to give you something to really cry about?" attitude. Looking back at old report cards & college transcripts, the BD is readily apparent. A semester or two of straight 4.0's...followed by semesters of incompletes, or worse. I was all over the board, but my father attributed my lapses to laziness. It wasn't until I was commited to one of the old state hospitals in my early-20s that I was diagnosed & medicated. How much was the times I grew up in, versus the home environment I lived in ? They both contributed, IMO.

Excellent post. During the era in which you and I grew up no one sought psych treatment for a kid unless the kid was a criminal - if then. And the era was very weird. (We had the best music, though!)

I loved reading about how these two correlate, the abuse and BD. Anyone else want to add?

My family did not abuse me as a child emotionally or physically. I was however bullied in school. I’ve dealt with social anxiety since very very early on in life and that impacted my ability to make friends in school.

So Sorry that has happened. Are you currently seeing a therapist? Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @Bipolarchic14, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

Sorry for the late reply, @NaoSky! i struggle, or used to struggle, with depression, although my diagnosis was never fully disclosed to me.

I am in therapy.

I think most of us are, me included!