Precaryous can we just agree that you were in an extremely difficult situation, and you did the best you could with what was available to you at the time?

If you’d known then what you know now, it would have been different.
If you’d had superpowers like Wonder Woman, it would have been different.
If the people closest to you had formed a protective circle around you and said “OMG this is in no way your fault, this man is the scum of the earth and it is our dearest ambition to see him locked in a dungeon until the End Of Days” it would have been different.

But you didn’t have those things. And it wasn’t your fault that you didn’t have them. Sexual abusers groom their victims. That means that often for some part of the abuse cycle you feel loved, valued and special. You are given something you crave. It seems like kindness. Who doesn’t want kindness?

By the time you realize that something bad is going on, you are already in quite deep. Or maybe it’s not until many years later. Regardless, it’s not your fault.

If you think that you can’t call it rape because it was somehow your fault, well you’re far from alone in having that experience.

I think it wasn’t your fault. At all. Even if some part of you loved the attention, even if you had orgasms sometimes, even if you loved him until you didn’t. It wasn’t your fault.