Im sorry I just cant go back and catch up.

I saw my T last Wednesday and it was the first time I was in a rage that he could see, Normally I can talk about my rage. I have been throwing things and cussing a blue streak.

We have one more Zoom session and then in person. I told Richard I almost cancelled our session because I hate Zoom hate hate hate it.

I had an Appt with my Pdoc of 10 years Thursday. I told him about the meds I had to quit between the diabetes and now this Ortostatic hypotension took about 20 seconds, He said keep on Lamictal , Doxepin an Xanax, We are out out of any options, He had been out on Medical leave for almost 5 months so I knew that he would retire soon. He told me that I would be seeing a NP which is fine. I wished him a good retirement and health. He said thank you and logged right out Took less than 1.5 mins.10 years of him given me excellent help and boom it was over.

Centerstones policy is No one is prescribed a Benzo of any kind. I had been going to him for 10 years and he was fine with it. Now the NP? I have no idea. I have tried all the other non benzo meds for anxiety and nothing helps.

My husband is like " they cant just take you off of something you have been on for long... Yeah thats not how it works...

Honestly I feel like just giving up. There isnt a psych meds that will work with my diabetes, Orthostatic Hypotension and anxiety..

So I live in a non stop rage or a soul crushing depression or pure hell on earth mixed episodes??

Why in the hell bother???