I personally don’t care what other people think and who they recommend. You said your ex husband was an alcoholic. That’s a red flag or rather red banner and pretty much a sign that there will be no healthy relationship. Him being fun is irrelevant. Ex fiancée was married and lied not only about marriage but about many other things. Red flag. Deal breaker. Who cares what others think. Current man is a heavy drinker (although you said he started to drink less), red flag. He might be intelligent but so many other people. Doesn’t mean he is going to be happily ever after.

You evaluate on what you see. Not what you hope is going to change and not what others tell you. Every man you meet you hope will change. But they don’t (some adjustments sure but they don’t change at their core).

I’ve met some men my family thought were great and I am silly not responding to their advances. But them thinking someone is great doesn’t make it so

All these men might be smart and fun and liked by general public but they aren’t good partners. That’s the point. It doesn’t take many years to see it. Is it easy? No. I made these same mistakes myself.